“I have chosen you as my lover for many reasons. But I am most compelled by the attraction I feel for your feminine heart… Your special gift to me is the unique quality of the feminine love you offer. Your feminine essence fills my life with a love that is so intimate and tender, my heart opens at your sight. I understand there is a lot more to you, but you are my chosen lover – rather than just my friend – because the ambrosial light of your feminine essence fills my heart and brightens my world with beauty, inspiration and the unending grace of love’s abundance.”
– David Deida
If you’re like most women, that passage above will speak to you and melt your heart, because you have a feminine essence.
Which means at some point in your life and somewhere deep in your heart you have held the fairy tale belief: the right man will find you, you’ll give him what he wants and needs, and he’ll love you forever.
But then at some point in your life, you shut down that part of your brain. You no longer held onto those “silly stories.”
Sure you still LOVE romance novels and you might cry during weddings but somewhere along the way….
You were told to grow up.
So you put on your big girl pants.
And you slowly started to let the magic and wonder of love and fairy tales fade away…
Do you want that magic back?
Do you deep down inside STILL BELIEVE in that fairy tale romance?
Are you ready to attract and keep a man capable of meeting you where you’re at and giving you what you most passionately yearn for?
Then read on. Because I’m here to tell you that it’s not only possible, I’m going to show you how to do it.
For those of you who are not familiar with David Deida, I highly suggest you buy Dear Lover immediately! (And then buy The Way of the Superior Man for extra brownie points and understanding.) David Deida is my own personal spiritual guru in regards to love, sex, intimacy and the divine masculine and feminine.
I’ve been studying him for years and there was ONE HUGE turning point for me that happened while reading his books.
One very important shift that allowed me to see what I was doing wrong in all my prior relationships.
And if you’re anything like most women out there, you are making this mistake, too.
In order to understand what you could be doing wrong, you have to understand the difference between the divine masculine and the divine feminine.
And I’m not talking about the difference between a boy and a girl and if you’ve got male-bits or lady-parts.
I’m talking deep down inside…..
If you had to pick one, which one do you most resonate with?
- the mission toward unchanging and eternal freedom of consciousness; a goal; a purpose; the end-game
or
2. the ever-changing flow of love and and life; the unknown; the mystery; the constant change
Is it easier for you to:
- navigate towards your goals with a dedicated focus towards the end point
or
2. dance and move yourself in total body ecstasy
Both of us have masculine AND feminine qualities, but there will always be one that you MOST resonate with.
If you’re still having trouble figuring out which you are, this question usually seals the deal.
Would you rather:
- ravish your partner and be invited into your partner’s presence by their surrender
or
2. be ravished by your lover and desire him/her to merge with your heart and take you completely
If I just lost you there….Would you rather be on top or on bottom?
If you answered (1) to most of the above, then definitely a masculine core essence, regards of what your genitals are. If you answered (2), well then definitely the feminine.
So what does this mean in regards to relationships and what you’re doing wrong?
I speak from personal experience.
I’m a lady at heart; but I never really had that ‘a-ha’ realization until I read David Deida.
I was caught up in the de-feminization of our society. Women can work AND run the household. They can have kids and a career. By golly, if a man can do it then so can a women!
Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, except backwards and in high heels!
In all my intimate relationships, I was trying so hardly to be the man AND the woman. And as a result, one of the following things happened:
- Our relationship became neutral and passion was lost.
- We flipped roles. I assumed the masculine role and he assumed the feminine role.
And I’m you can guess what happened as a result.
We broke up.
So, once I had this a-ha moment, what were the action steps I took to get me to this amazing relationship I’m in now?
- I got comfortable waiting. Yup, I no longer approached men I was interested in. I didn’t start the conversation. I wasn’t the one to ask for his number. I stayed in the feminine role of receiving. The masculine is the one that has his purpose and his direction and his goals. If you, as the feminine, jump into the masculine role while dating, I guarantee you are going to attract in a feminine guy that prefers to be pursued. So, if you’re a feminine lady looking for a masculine man, take the pants off. Put on a skirt instead, and get comfortable waiting for him to lead.
- I learned how to trust. In prior relationships, I didn’t trust the direction of my man. That means I started making the decisions and deciding what was best for the relationship. What happened as a result? Well, I encouraged my man to take a back seat in the relationship. Nothing de-polarizes the relationship more than the woman consistently making the decisions and directing. Now, I’m not saying you can’t have an opinion. And if your man cherishes you, he will listen to your ideas and your opinions. But ultimately, he will make the decisions based on his intelligence, and you as the woman, TRUST his decisions.
- I embodied love. I got comfortable being in my body. I wore clothes that accented my beautiful feminine form. I took up yoga. I ran. I danced. Everything and anything that helped me embody the feminine essence of love.
- I stood up for myself. In order to finally and fully attract in a man that can handle the awesomeness of a fully empowered divine goddess, I had to create boundaries. I had to stop settling for men who weren’t good enough. I had to be strong enough to say ‘no’ to a man who was giving me attention even though I knew in my heart that he wasn’t fully present.
- I did the work. I continued to read self-help books and do spiritual growth exercises that allowed me to continue to release blockages and fears. I got in touch with the ‘little me’ to find out what that little girl inside was scared of and how I (big me) could alleviate those fears. In a nutshell, we get what we give. In order to attract in the incredible love I knew I was destined for, I had to start acting like it!
- I visualized. Yup, I held the vision of what life would be like with this amazing person. I saw it clearly in my minds eye, and I relished in how great it FELT to experience that life even before it happened. And I did this often.
And you know what happened?
One day, while I was serving in a brew pub, a cute sweet guy sat at my table. He ordered a beer and he asked for my number.