Real Life True LOVE Story of HOW Love for yourself Manifests the Love of your Life (#TT episode 33)

An amazing true LOVE story and how Kim manifested a man who is MORE perfect for her than she could have imagined

Kim has her own tale of heart-ache. She was engaged to a man who she thought was ‘the one’. They were madly in love with a lot of passion and everything seemed to be falling into place perfectly

or so she thought…. 

Until just weeks before their wedding day, he called it off! 

 

She was in so much pain, she couldn’t even drag herself off of the floor…

 

Until…

 

She asked herself this ONE THING. (minute 1:50)

 

And then….THIS is what she did (minute 3:00) and it was the HARDEST thing for her to do…and yet it yielded results!

Except – she was only doing these things ‘to get the guy.’ And this will NEVER get you the guy! 

 

Also learn: 

  • The “design your life” worksheet (minute 4:44)
  • Why ‘9 out of 10’ isn’t good enough 
  • The power of ‘gratitude’ as far as manifesting the love of your life goes 
  • The advice from Kim on HOW to actually manifest your soulmate (and it’s the other way around of what most people follow)
  • THIS is when everything falls into place in your life
  • The SECRET love letter Kim wrote (and you won’t guess to WHO!) to manifest her man

 

#TruthTuesdays on top of a mountain with a special guest! 

Why MANifesting a high quality partner is hard (Truth Tuesdays Ep. 31)

 

You know what you want…

 

An amazing partnership with a man or woman who loves you and respects you…

and let’s be real…the sex is ah-maze-ZING!!  🙂

 

So – why don’t you have what you want? 

 

Because there is one little (OK HUGE) thing getting in your way. 

 

In today’s episode of #TruthTuesdays, I give it to you straight with a side of sassy!

 

Why MAN-ifesting a good man is so gosh darn difficult! 

 

And the proven 3 step process (that I refer to as the ‘three c’s’) to SHIFT your beliefs and manifestation process so that you actually CAN manifest true love. 

 

Watch and learn and be prepared to be blown away at what you learn, my dear!

 

 

Psst….hey you!

 

Yes, you.

 

The one still reading because you LOVED the video and you’re hoping for some MORE secrets to love and manifestation. 
If you are READY to cut through the BS excuses…

 

If you are READY for a loving and cherishing partner…

 

If you’d like to STOP the patterns of lame-ass dudes in your life…

 

If you’d like to stop being SCARED that you’ll be alone forever…

 

Then quite honestly, we need to talk. 

 

I have the solution for you. 

 

Click here to find out what it is, love. 

 

 

 

THIS is what my man did to attract me in you’re probably not going to guess it! (truth tuesdays ep 30)

If you’re a woman looking for a spiritual man, I have great news for you! 

Your man is also doing the work to ATTRACT YOU IN!

This weekend my man and I were talking about the start of our relationship and he shared with me EXACTLY what he did weeks before he met me. 

I NEVER KNEW HE DID THIS!

And obviously it worked! 

If you’re a man and want to learn what it is he did…watch below! 

If you’re a woman looking for social proof that there are spiritual men out there doing the work to attract in their perfect match…watch below! 

 

And I’m sure it goes without saying…then YOU have to do the work to attract THE ONE to you!!

Looking to ATTRACT THE ONE!? Join my “Attract the One” mini course! 

Learn EXACTLY what you need to do every single day to put yourself in the position to meet the love of your life! It’s a simple 7 step process to put into action every single day in order to manifest the love of your life. 

Click here to manifest the love of your life!

3 Daily Action Steps to Take to Attract in THE ONE (#truthtuesdays ep 29)

“What do I need to do NOW to manifest Prince Charming?”

 

Asked a woman in my Facebook group.

 

I get it – You want your lover and you want him now!!

 

So, I want to share with you the exact 3 steps you can implement today (and every day from here on out) to raise your vibration and attract your man to you!!!

 

Watch the video and learn what you need to do NOW to manifest Prince Charming. 

 

 

Want more!? Sign up for my powerful 7 part Attraction Course –

Attract the One!

Envision, Manifest, Create the Love of your life with these 3 questions (#TruthTuesdays Ep 25)

Would you like to learn how to ENVISION the love life of your wildest dreams!? 

 

Would you like to know without a doubt what is standing in your way to having the love you crave? 

 

Would you also like to know what you have to do and who you have to be in order to realize the love of your life!? 

 

There is a process called Envisioning that will give you the CLEAR answers to the questions above.

 

If you’re looking to consciously create the love life of your dreams, then Envisioning is the process meant for you! 

 

And if you’re familiar with visualization, this is an entirely different process! So watch and learn, my dear!

 


3 step process to correctly setting an intention and manifesting your heart’s desire (#truthtuesdays ep 23)

Have you ever set an intention or goal or resolution only to have it NOT actually manifest?

Of course you have! And so have I.

If you’re like many, you’ve set New Years Resolutions only to forget about them 30 days later! 

My client Mary resolved to lose 10 pounds in 30 days and go to the gym 5 days a week! This happened for the first two weeks of the year and then guess what happened?!  She fell off the wagon, that’s what happen!

Which is why I want to share with you my 3 step process to CORRECTLY set an intention and have it actually manifest! 

I know you’ve got big dreams and you’re ready for love. Don’t be discouraged if you haven’t manifested ‘the one’ yet.

Instead you just might need some ‘tweaking’ of the creation process! 

 

Watch and learn my 3 step process to CORRECTLY set your intentions for love and watch it manifest before your very eyes! 

 

Set an Intention- Truth Tuesdays

#TRUTHTUESDAYS Ep. 5 – The #1 tool to manifest the love of your life

Are you a single lady who is tired and frustrated with being alone?

Are you ready to learn the #1 tool that I used on a daily basis in order to attract in my own personal prince charming? 

truth-tuesdays-episode-5

It can be confusing with all the dating books out there filled with:

  • how-to land the guy of your dreams
  • what not-to-d0 on the first date
  • how to get any guy to ask you out!

You know, stuff like that.

Instead, allow me to show you the stuff that actually works.

The exact tool I used every single day for four weeks…

Until I attracted in the one!

Now, I’m using the SAME tool for my business, career and finances.

And so far…..so great!

[Don’t worry, you’ll be the first one to know when I make my first million 🙂 ]

Want to learn so many more amazing tools to increase your inner love in order to attract in your own personal Prince Charming?

Join the Radical Self Love Group Coaching program!

I'm ready for love!

Hurry, Cinderella! Enrollment ends Friday at midnight!

9 Steps – How to Manifest Love Using the Law of Attraction

9 Steps –

How to Manifest Love Using the Law of Attraction

How to manifest love using the law of attraction

Once upon a time I decided I had HAD ENOUGH of having my heart broken.

So I actually sat down and mapped out step by step how the hell I was going to manifest the love of my life, the man of my dreams.

And you know what happened as a result?

It worked!

In this post, I’m going to share with you the actual steps I took and also why the LAW OF ATTRACTION sometimes doesn’t work. 

Like at all.

Instead, I’m going to show you how it CAN work in your favor!

The information that I’m sharing with you today is only one part of my#ManifestHim private coaching program and also is included in my 8 week Attract the One via Radical Self Love online coaching program. 

If you follow the steps I’m sharing with you today you will:

  1. Become a powerful love magnet
  2. Boost your self love
  3. Attract in your beloved/soulmate/true love in a very short time period

Sound good?

how-to-manifest using the law of attraction

Rumi, one of my favorite poets, once said:


Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.



-

And that is what you’ve got to do, my dear.

Don’t LOOK for love as OUTSIDE of you. Instead, remove all the blocks and barriers you’ve created INSIDE of you to love.

Once you become love, you will attract love to you.

Sounds woo-woo but it really is as simple as that.

Manifesting your Soulmate using the Law of Attraction

Let’s do this!!!!!

Step 1: Make a Commitment

Before you can actually change your life for the better and attract in the love of your life, you actually need to commit to it happening. 

You need to be hell-bent on the outcome happening for you! 

You need to push aside any worries or fears that it’s not going to work out.

You need to get rid of any sorry-ass excuses that “I’m too ugly/fat/boring/tired/busy to manifest love”.

Instead, COMMIT to yourself that love is available to you right in this moment and you will stop at nothing to get it.

okay? 

You can’t always get what you want. That’s for sure. (cue Rolling Stones song….)

And sometimes we don’t even get what we need.

But what I’ve figured out in my life is that I usually (if not 100% of the time) get what I COMMIT to and put my mind to and work my ass off towards getting….

What’s that? I can’t run my own wildly successful love coaching business online, mister neigh sayer ? 

Just you fucking watch me!

And then I commit to making it happen and then BAM! Less than 3 months later, I have a schedule full of clients and am building various online programs that already have a waiting list. 

Commitment. 

That’s the difference between WANTING something in life and actually GETTING something in life. 

So, when you actually DECIDE that you’re ready for your soulmate in your life (and this is no small feat because you will have to face your SHIT and own up to it on a daily basis), you have to COMMIT to it.

Just like getting married, baby.

Anything less than a 120% commitment, well, that’s the relationship you’re going to get. Half-assed.

Step 2: Believe it can happen and is possible for you

Okay, this one is a bit more challenging for some people, because we are a tangled mess of fears and insecurities and ‘yeah, but…’ that even though you say the affirmations and journal and dream and whatever else woo-woo shit that I suggest you do….

If you don’t actually BELIEVE it can happen for you deep down inside, it WON’T happen for you. 

(I elaborate MORE on this concept in my recent blog post – so I’m not going to go into it here. Read the post. Then come back, mmmkay?)

So, spend a couple minutes figuring out what your current belief systems are in regards to love and a good way to do it is as follows:

  1. Write down the following phrase on a sheet of paper: I deserve to have an amazing partner and the love of my life today!
  2. Then listen….
  3. Did your mind reply with “Hells yeah I do!” or did your mind reply with something along the lines of “yeah, but, that hasn’t happened. And actually last time I thought I was with the one it ended in heartbreak. Fuck, man. I’m gonna end up as a cat lady, I just know it.”
  4. Now that you know what your limiting beliefs are, flip that shit around and write a positive affirmation instead!
  5. Get pumped and read that affirmation to yourself on a daily basis!
  6. Dance a bit first and get moving so you’ve got endorphins moving through your body (EMOTION CREATES VIBRATION) and then tell yourself how much you deserve to have an amazing partner and love of your life today and that he is on his way this current instant.
  7. Love yourself. Because, duh. That comes first. Only then will someone else love you.

Step 3: Put the ‘word’ or ‘intention’ out there

I’m not saying you have to publicly post on Facebook that you are looking for your soulmate and currently taking applications. (although you certainly can if you want to. I saw someone do it once and I thought “Hells yes! Good for him. Putting himself out there and letting the world know he is ready!”)

calling in my twin flame

But what it does mean is this:

  1. Write an intention – You can say it out loud or write it down. Something along the lines of “I am open to receiving the love of my life, my soulmate, my twin flame. I now welcome love in.” 
  2. Open your heart and be ready to receive love. Visualize what life would be like with this person. Feel the love in your heart as though it was already here in this present moment.
  3. Open your mind and be open to the possibilities of love coming your way. The mind is very literal. So grab and pen and paper and start writing your affirmations on a daily basis. “My perfect partner is out there and on his way to me now!” 

Step 4: Get clear in your vision

I love this part! This is where you get to sit down and journal EXACTLY what you want Mister/Missus Right to look like, smell like, feel like, etc.

Our subconscious mind operates in pictures and feelings.

So – get clear on what your perfect life with this perfect person is going to LOOK like. And I highly suggest you get super duper clear in what you want. And please DON’T write what you don’t want. Only focus on what you DO want. Nothing is too trivial. Put it all in there!

And then sit your pretty self down for at least 10 minutes a day and DREAM. See this vision clearly in your mind’s eye and FEEL it like it was happening today.

That’s an order, young lady!

Step 5: Let GO of old pain and heartbreak

I know, easier said than done. But this step has to happen.

Work on forgiving yourself.

Forgive past lovers and old partners.

You NEED to create space for this NEW love to enter your life.

  1. Heal your heart. How? Well, there are a variety of ways and I could write a book on HOW to do it. But for sake of time, I’ll tell you this, instead. Do sweet things every day for YOU to show yourself that you love yourself. Write down all the ways that someone (including yourself) have hurt you in the past and then….BURN IT! As you tell yourself that you forgive them all (and you) and you are willing and open to receive love into your heart, now.
  2. De-clutter your mind. What are the stories that are going on in your brain such as “I’ll be happier once I have my soulmate.” I’ll finally start a family and feel worthy once I have my soulmate” “All guys suck and will only hurt me in the end.” Whatever they are, we all have stories. You gotta replace those old thoughts and belief systems with new ones! So whatever your previous story was, it’s going to be something else instead like “I’m happy right now and my soulmate is on his way!” “I feel so worthy inside!” or “There is the perfect guy out there for me that will treasure me and cherish me!” Got it?
  3. Release the Past. It no longer serves you. I repeat: Let that shit go! Anything that happened in your past made you who you are today but it does NOT decide your future. So, if you’re holding on to your old sorry story of why you were hurt in the past, then you are living in the past. And how the hell is your soulmate going to step in and fill that space? There is NO space. You are living in the past. Stop it! Here’s an analogy to help: if you’ve got a passenger in your car (aka your thoughts of a past lover) how is your new lover (aka your soulmate) going to get in? 
  4. Make room for love. Are you working two jobs and come home exhausted each night? Is your house cluttered and not even welcoming for guests? Do you have ‘friends with benefits’ that take up any free nights you actually have and are also emotionally draining? If you met your soulmate today, would you have emotional/physical/spiritual room for them!? Think about various ways in your life that you may be blocking your ability to have a partner in your life and go about making room for love!

Step 6: Tell a NEW story, already

Another great analogy (because I love them)….

Imagine you were walking through a prairie of waist high grass.

You walk through it once.

Most likely, no one will be able to tell you were there….

But, if you walk it over and over and over again…

A path is formed!

So, train yer brain!

What NEW PATHWAYS are you going to create? 

We have spent years and years and years creating certain paths and belief systems and a lot of the time….they aren’t even our belief systems! They were handed down to us by society or by our parents or friends!

You tell the story of how you were hurt in the past, or why daddy didn’t love you, or how you were left at the alter on your wedding day…..YAWN!

Stop it already! 

The more you tell the same old sorry stories, the more you tell the universe that is what you expect to continue to happen with your life. 

Instead, start telling a new story of how you always meeting amazing and loving people. Of how you are excited to go to new events because of the people you are going to meet. Of how much you fricken love yourself and love your life and are looking forward to so many new amazing experiences in your future!

You get me, here?

Step 7: Get a support system to cheer you on!

It takes a village, baby.

When I was seriously ready to let go of my old limiting belief systems, you know what I did?

I hired a love coach!

Yeah, duh.

No body can (or should) go at ‘it’ alone.

Think about professional athletes – they have coaches! They don’t decide one day to stop training because they are good at what they do. Nope, they seek help and get better!

And you know what else? 

Some days you feel like crap. Your emotions get the better of you (especially if you’re a woman!) and you feel like there is no hope in sight. So you cuddle up with a gallon of Ben and Jerry’s.

But if you have a support system on hand – those moments won’t last long and they will be few and far between! 

So – take a good hard look at your friends – are they building you up or tearing you down? Are you cheering you on or agreeing with you when you say there are no good men out there?

And guess what – when you’re soulmate comes along….shit comes up!

My relationship with my man can be challenging. He’s a beautiful mirror of issues in myself that I have not healed.

And if I didn’t have friends/mentors/coaches that I could turn to when the shit hits the fan….well most likely we still wouldn’t be together. It’s constant work, my friends. And it never ends.

Step 8: Get ready (emotionally, spiritually, physically, whatever) for your soulmate!

You’ve set the intention. You’ve done the work. Now what?

Keep doing the work!

Keep taking the steps to improve yourself.

Clear out emotional baggage.

Get your mind on track and stop thinking silly old limiting beliefs.

Take care of your beautiful body – hikes, yoga, gym time, whatever you enjoy.

Love yourself fiercely, like you’re all you’ve got. 

Because guess what? 

You ARE all you’ve got. 

Step 9: Let go (again!)

You’ve done all you can. Now is the time to let go and trust in the universe. Trust that all is happening in divine timing and will manifest exactly when and how it’s supposed to!

One More thing….

If you want to jump start the process of attracting in your one true love, then let’s get on the phone and talk! Apply for a Breakthrough to Love Coaching Call and let’s see if working together is a logical next step for you!

Why affirmations are sh!t…and what to do about it!

 

I recently completed a survey of single women who are actively trying to do something to manifest their soulmate.

To call in the one…

Find their other half…

Their ‘media naranja’ as they say in español….

(now that I’m lounging on the beach in Costa Rica, I actually have time to compile the results and make something of them!)

Emyrald Sinclaire on the beach of Costa Rica

If you’re one of these ladies, do any of these things sound famiilar?

1. Visualize

2. Meditate

3. Go on spiritual dating sites

4. Not looking

5. Looking

6. Vision board

7. Becoming celibate

8. Making a witches brew

9. Praying

10. Praying harder

I will be the first to admit that I’ve tried it all in regards to dating (and no that wasn’t MY list up there.)
And yet nothing really ever worked….

(well up until now because I’ve actually figured out HOW TO manifest an amazing partner that is exactly what I asked for)

Want to know why?

It’s what I lovingly refer to as the WHIPPED CREAM ON GARBAGE syndrome.

Told to me first by my father.

A world renowned hypnotherapist.

“World Renowned? What does that mean?”, you might ask.

Well, quite simply it means people fly in from all across the globe to work with him.

When I was a kid he taught me about beliefs and affirmations.

And he said: Affirmations are crap. They actually don’t do anything because they are whipped cream on garbage.

Well actually he said shit. They are whipped cream on shit.

If you don’t get to the underlying belief system.

If your underlying belief system, your garbage, is that I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough, I suck, no one will ever love me…

You can look in the mirror and affirm yourself to death but you will still not be good enough, not lovely, not loved…

So…

As you can see, the reasons all these things that women are trying are not working is because they are….

WHIPPED CREAM ON SHIT.

It might taste sweet, it might sound sweet, it might LOOK sweet, but it doesn’t actually work.

Whereas the 6 week program I’ve developed, gets to the garbage, it gets down to the nitty gritty, to the sludge, to the toxic waste.

That underlying belief system….that record on repeat, that tells you you’re not good enough, you’re not worthy, you suck, you’ll never be loved….

What ever it is that YOUR record is…

These are horrible. These are toxic. They are sludge. They are garbage. A toxic heap.

And that is the actual reason that you are not worthy of love.

It’s because deep down inside you actually believe it.

Look in the mirror and tell yourself pretty words…

Sit down with your journal and write affirmations till your fingers bleed.

Do your mantras every day…

Because those are only going to work (and they do work by the way) if you clear the trash, the rubbish, the crap that is sitting deep down inside.

You have this beautiful light, this diamond, this jewel on the inside but it’s so tarnished and covered in all these different negative beliefs.

This 6 weeks to love program, what it does, is start to polish that jewel by tearing away those belief systems one by one and replacing them with something new.

Let me reiterate one more time.

Whipped CreamWhipped cream = where you want to be.

I am beautiful.

I am lovely

I am worthy.

I am good enough.

I deserve to have the love of my life.

The garage (not true) = a lifetime of negative belief systems that have been handed to you from your parents, from society, from them TV shows you watch.Trash Monster

They all pile up on top of each other.
They build and they build and they build…

We have to clear the trash out.

Make space. Make room.

So when you actually do amazing powerful work – like mediation , mantras, and affirmations, they WORK! Because then your entire field is clear.

You see what I’m saying?

It’s like trying to make a meal in a pan that’s crusted over with last nights dinner. And before that, last weeks’ lunch. And the month before’s breakfast.

All these layers of grime have been stacked on top of each other.

At the time you’re trying to create anything beautiful and lovely….well it’s gonna taste like horrible old shit. It’s gonna taste like rotten food from months ago.

So you’ve got to clear out the pan.

aka – clear out the trash.

And start fresh!

And then – oh my goodness – you will be THE most powerful, sexy, goddess that you know in your heart of hearts to be true.

Emyrald Sinclaire love coach on the beach of Costa Rica

You know her.

She’s there.

You’ve caught glimpses of her.

But it’s not all the time.

And I want to help you get to the point where she is.

She’s there all of the time.

Because all of those untruths and misbeliefs….

Are GONE!

Sending you love,

xo

Emyrald

Emyrald Sinclaire love coach in costa rica

 

(Want to find out more about the 6 Weeks to Love 1:1 Intensive Coaching program? It might be the ONE THING that can guide you from where you are to where you want to be!)

How I almost RUINED my relationship with my guy and the two steps I took to break free from fear!

I help women manifest their soulmates. Their partner. Their love. Their other half. Call it what you will…

And I wish I could tell you that the work stopped there.

Step 1. Learn to love yourself. 

Step 2. Attract in your reciprocal. 

Step 3. Happily ever after. 

happily ever after

Um…no.

That’s not how it works.

Using the tools I teach to other women, I manifested the man of my dreams.

And shortly after we moved in together, things got hard.

Like really hard.

Like ‘what would you do if we broke up’ type of conversation really hard.

Couple Fighting

And let me tell you, my heart was hurting.

I had attracted in the love of my life and yet old patterns and thoughts and belief systems were getting in the way and sabotaging this relationship that I had worked so hard to get.

I learned really quick that the work never ends. And especially not in the most important relationship – the one with your intimate.

Our partner is an amazing (and sometimes hard to see) mirror.

I knew these fights that my guy and I were having were not only about him..but deeply deeply about me. 

emyrald sinclaire love coach

When he said that I made him feel like ‘he wasn’t good enough and that he failed,’ well you can bet I flipped that around in my head instantly to mean “I don’t think I’m good enough and I think I failed.”

Wait, let me back up here. I’m getting ahead of myself.

As soon as we shifted from honeymoon phase and started down this path to self-sabotage, there were two very important tools that I used to figure out what the hell was going on and how the heck to fix it.

how to break free from fear

Because ultimately, deep down in my heart, I know I deserve to have an amazing relationship with myself an with my beloved.

And if you’re reading this, so do you.

     1. The Work by Byron Katie

Byron-Katie

The premise of the Work is 4 questions. Byron Katie offers up the worksheet freely on her website which you can access and print out at any time.

You take a belief that is bothering you. Perhaps it is about someone you haven’t forgiven.

In my case, I will use a very personal example to show you how it’s done:

“I believe that my partner doesn’t really love me and doesn’t want to be with me.” 

Question 1: Is it true? Yes or no. 

In this case, when I searched into my heart (and it didn’t take much searching) I found the answer to be ‘no.’

If I had answered ‘yes’ I would have moved onto  question 2.

Question 2: Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Question 3: How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? 

For me, I felt sad and insecure. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. 

You can then dig deeper into the reply by answering an additional series of questions.

a) Does that thought bring peace or stress into your life? 

b) What images do you see, past and future, and what physical sensations arise as you think that thought and witness those images? 

c) What emotions arise when you believe that thought?

d) Do any obsessions or addictions begins o appear when you believe that thought? (Do you act out on any of the following: alcohol, drugs, credit cards, food, sex, television?)

e) How do you treat the person in this situation when you believe the thought? How do you treat other people and yourself?

Question 4. Who would you be without the thought? 

I would simply be at peace. I would be happy in my relationship on a daily basis and excited about all the big changes ahead of us! I would enjoy each and every moment with this amazing being who loves me dearly. 

Emyrald and her partner

And after you’ve done all of this, the turn-around. Take the belief and turn it around to yourself, to the other and to the opposite.

The Turn Around

1. To the Self I don’t really love me.

2. To the other I don’t really love him.

3. To the opposite He doesn’t really love me. 

And then you ask yourself if the turnaround is less true, true, or more true than the original statement. And let me tell you, you’ll know if your heart immediately if they are true or even truer than your originally statement.

For me, #1 was huge. My heart was saying, “OH YEAH!” Whereas for #2 and #3 it was a quick answer of “that’s not true.”

Even more, it’s beneficial to find at least 3 times in this situation where you can find those turn arounds to be true.

By doing this exercise I VERY QUICKLY realized my core issue was a feeling of not being good enough and not loving myself.

I realized that I had been forgetting about me.

And remembering that the only way we can truly attract love into our lives is by loving ourselves FIRST. Only then can we attract in the exact same love.

Little me, the scared little girl inside, was not feeling the love. So she was lashing out…

Which brings me to the second exercise on my healing journey to self-love and awareness.

     2. Taming Your Outer Child by Susan Anderson

Taming Your outer child by susan anderson

This is a book that is the culmination of over 30 years of clinical experience performed by Susan Anderson.

The premise is that we all have an inner child.

The inner child is our 4 year old self that has basic needs to feel loved and safe and secure. When those needs aren’t being met, our outer child acts out as a way to get those needs to be met. However, it’s never in a healthy way and as a result of outer child’s actions, it usually makes the problem worse.

For example:

  • Inner child wants to feel safe and secure and protected but feels scared because you’re in debt. Outer child responds by going on a shopping spree with the credit cards. Because after all, having more stuff makes you feel good about yourself and secure in your social status, right?
  • Inner child wants to feel loved and good about herself. But you’ve been hurt in the past by previous relationships. So outer responds by binge eating. You gain weight. Outer thinks she is helping because now you’re overweight and ‘safe’ and not attracting in a partner. You can’t get hurt if you’re not in a relationship, right?
  • Outer is the one that eats the chocolate cake when you’re on a diet.
  • Outer is the one that procrastinates when you’ve got an important deadline.

Essentially outer child acts out when the inner child is tired, cranky, triggered or stressed and her needs aren’t being met.

When I realized that issues between he and I were most certainly our outer children acting out, I did a writing exercise. 

It might seems silly. And it will most likely seem a little schizophrenic, but it works.  And I highly suggest you try it.

The Little/Big Exercise:

Close your eyes and imagine your inner child. Your inner child is you at four years old and just wants love. When those needs aren’t being met, Outer Child (lets pretend it’s a big brother around 10 years old) acts out to help protect Inner. But it always makes things worse.

See your Inner Child. See your Outer child. And then put your Adult Self in the room with the two of them. Your adult self is a loving, caring adult. (I usually envision a loving aunt or grandma for this).

Tell Inner child that it’s okay to turn around and stand up to Outer Child. Inner child tells Outer Child that there is no need to protect her any more because Adult Self is there.

Now this is where it gets fun. 

Open your eyes. Grab and pen and paper and start by having a conversation between your Inner Child and your Adult (Big) self.

Emyrald Sinclaire love coach

I will use the beginning of my dialog as an example so you can see how powerful this work is and you’ll be surprised by what actually comes up!

Big: What’s up, little? Why is Outer acting up so much? What am I missing?

Little: I’m scared. What if Ron doesn’t like me in the end? Once he really gets to know me? What if I’m unlovable?

Big: That’s not possible. You’re completely lovable. I love you!

Little: No you don’t. You’re so worried about external validation that you’re not really focused on loving me.

Big: That’s going to change. I’ll do things every day to show that I love you. I do love you. And I love Ron, too.

Little: But what about me? If you don’t love me, things will get worse. Outer will keep acting out and sabotage your relationship with Ron. And you’ll be alone. And unhappy. Because all you’ll be left with is me…who you don’t really love. And we’ll both be sad.

Big: I hear you. I’m listening. You need more love. I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you. What can I do?

You see?! It’s so amazing what comes up in our subconscious as we’re having a conversation with ourselves.

The conversation went on and I realized some deep and powerful nuggets, such as: I’m so scared of being seen for who I really am. What if I’m not good enough?”

The conversation ended with Big comforting Little and promising to be pro-active and take the steps I need to take and not allow fear to ruin my life. I’ll put on my big girl pants and start acting like a mature grown-up and show you love. I’ll act from my heart in love and not from fear.” 

Emyrald Sinclaire love coach for single women

I know, sounds a bit crazy.

But you’ll have to trust me on this.

These 2 steps saved my relationship.

And I continue to use them when necessary. It’s a never-ending process. We don’t reach enlightenment. Just like we don’t reach a perfect relationship end-point where we can just sit back, put our feet up and enjoy the good life.

I wish I would have known about them earlier. But I know about them now. And now you have the tools, too.

Oh, and one more thing….

You HAVE to write down the conversation with Little.

If you just THINK the dialog, your mind is too quick. It gets ahead of you and tries to come up with the solution. You HAVE to write and have the conversation. Only then you will reach your ‘a-ha’ moments.

Your homework: Buy the books. Read them. Do the work.

And I promise, your life will improve. Not just in your love life and relationships, but in general.

And tell me what happens when you do so.

Already read the books? Tell me below how you’ve put those tools into your life practice! Not just in relationships but in every aspect!