relationship – Page 10 – Emyrald Sinclaire

The ONE Thing I learned from David Deida (spiritual growth and sacred intimacy guru) That I Share With You Now

“I have chosen you as my lover for many reasons. But I am most compelled by the attraction I feel for your feminine heart… Your special gift to me is the unique quality of the feminine love you offer. Your feminine essence fills my life with a love that is so intimate and tender, my heart opens at your sight. I understand there is a lot more to you, but you are my chosen lover – rather than just my friend – because the ambrosial light of your feminine essence fills my heart and brightens my world with beauty, inspiration and the unending grace of love’s abundance.”

– David Deida

If you’re like most women, that passage above will speak to you and melt your heart, because you have a feminine essence.

Which means at some point in your life and somewhere deep in your heart you have held the fairy tale belief: the right man will find you, you’ll give him what he wants and needs, and he’ll love you forever.

But then at some point in your life, you shut down that part of your brain. You no longer held onto those “silly stories.”

Sure you still LOVE romance novels and you might cry during weddings but somewhere along the way….

You were told to grow up.

So you put on your big girl pants.

And you slowly started to let the magic and wonder of love and fairy tales fade away…

Do you want that magic back?

Do you deep down inside STILL BELIEVE in that fairy tale romance?

Are you ready to attract and keep a man capable of meeting you where you’re at and giving you what you most passionately yearn for?

Then read on. Because I’m here to tell you that it’s not only possible, I’m going to show you how to do it.

For those of you who are not familiar with David Deida, I highly suggest you buy Dear Lover immediately! (And then buy The Way of the Superior Man for extra brownie points and understanding.) David Deida is my own personal spiritual guru in regards to love, sex, intimacy and the divine masculine and feminine.

I’ve been studying him for years and there was ONE HUGE turning point for me that happened while reading his books.

One very important shift that allowed me to see what I was doing wrong in all my prior relationships.

And if you’re anything like most women out there, you are making this mistake, too.

In order to understand what you could be doing wrong, you have to understand the difference between the divine masculine and the divine feminine.

And I’m not talking about the difference between a boy and a girl and if you’ve got male-bits or lady-parts.

I’m talking deep down inside…..

If you had to pick one, which one do you most resonate with?

the mission toward unchanging and eternal freedom of consciousness; a goal; a purpose; the end-game

2. the ever-changing flow of love and and life; the unknown; the mystery; the constant change

Is it easier for you to:

navigate towards your goals with a dedicated focus towards the end point

2. dance and move yourself in total body ecstasy

Both of us have masculine AND feminine qualities, but there will always be one that you MOST resonate with.

If you’re still having trouble figuring out which you are, this question usually seals the deal.

Would you rather:

ravish your partner and be invited into your partner’s presence by their surrender

2. be ravished by your lover and desire him/her to merge with your heart and take you completely

If I just lost you there….Would you rather be on top or on bottom?

If you answered (1) to most of the above, then definitely a masculine core essence, regards of what your genitals are. If you answered (2), well then definitely the feminine.

So what does this mean in regards to relationships and what you’re doing wrong?

I speak from personal experience.

I’m a lady at heart; but I never really had that ‘a-ha’ realization until I read David Deida.

I was caught up in the de-feminization of our society. Women can work AND run the household. They can have kids and a career. By golly, if a man can do it then so can a women!

Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, except backwards and in high heels!

In all my intimate relationships, I was trying so hardly to be the man AND the woman. And as a result, one of the following things happened:

Our relationship became neutral and passion was lost.
We flipped roles. I assumed the masculine role and he assumed the feminine role.

And I’m you can guess what happened as a result.

We broke up.

So, once I had this a-ha moment, what were the action steps I took to get me to this amazing relationship I’m in now?

I got comfortable waiting. Yup, I no longer approached men I was interested in. I didn’t start the conversation. I wasn’t the one to ask for his number. I stayed in the feminine role of receiving. The masculine is the one that has his purpose and his direction and his goals. If you, as the feminine, jump into the masculine role while dating, I guarantee you are going to attract in a feminine guy that prefers to be pursued. So, if you’re a feminine lady looking for a masculine man, take the pants off. Put on a skirt instead, and get comfortable waiting for him to lead.

I learned how to trust. In prior relationships, I didn’t trust the direction of my man. That means I started making the decisions and deciding what was best for the relationship. What happened as a result? Well, I encouraged my man to take a back seat in the relationship. Nothing de-polarizes the relationship more than the woman consistently making the decisions and directing. Now, I’m not saying you can’t have an opinion. And if your man cherishes you, he will listen to your ideas and your opinions. But ultimately, he will make the decisions based on his intelligence, and you as the woman, TRUST his decisions.

I embodied love. I got comfortable being in my body. I wore clothes that accented my beautiful feminine form. I took up yoga. I ran. I danced. Everything and anything that helped me embody the feminine essence of love.

I stood up for myself. In order to finally and fully attract in a man that can handle the awesomeness of a fully empowered divine goddess, I had to create boundaries. I had to stop settling for men who weren’t good enough. I had to be strong enough to say ‘no’ to a man who was giving me attention even though I knew in my heart that he wasn’t fully present.

I did the work. I continued to read self-help books and do spiritual growth exercises that allowed me to continue to release blockages and fears. I got in touch with the ‘little me’ to find out what that little girl inside was scared of and how I (big me) could alleviate those fears. In a nutshell, we get what we give. In order to attract in the incredible love I knew I was destined for, I had to start acting like it!

I visualized. Yup, I held the vision of what life would be like with this amazing person. I saw it clearly in my minds eye, and I relished in how great it FELT to experience that life even before it happened. And I did this often.

And you know what happened?

One day, while I was serving in a brew pub, a cute sweet guy sat at my table. He ordered a beer and he asked for my number.

Years later, we are more in love than we’ve ever been before.

{VLOG} The ONE tool to attract the LOVE you want

Do you want to attract a love that is deep and pure?

Do you want to FEEL super confident about yourself and what you have to offer a partner?

Are you looking for an amazing and supportive relationship but don’t know how to create it?

I’m going to let you in on a little secret…

Life is all about relationships.

The relationship you have to objects, the weather, food, and to others – and they all reflect the relationship you have with YOURSELF!

This all started when you were a child.

How did your parents and adults treat you?

What words did they use when they scolded you? Do you use the same words when you scold YOURSELF? The same goes for how you praise yourself. Did you use the same words when you are telling yourself ‘Well-done!’ Or perhaps your parents never praised you so you have no idea how to praise yourself.

And that’s okay. Don’t blame your parents. That’s a victim mentality and removing the ability to take control of your life and actions.

I don’t blame parents. They can’t teach you what they themselves did not know. They are simply victims of victims.

It’s said that every major relationship we have is a reflection of the relationship we had with one of our parents.

Let that sink in.

Every major relationship we have…..

Is a reflection….

Of the relationship….

We had with one of our parents.

Can you find truth in that?

Perhaps too much truth that it’s scary?

Relationships are mirrors of ourselves. Always.

What we attract always mirrors qualities we have or beliefs we have about ourselves.

Exercise #1

Look for someone in your life that bothers you. Describe three things about this person you don’t like. Now look deeply inside of you and ask yourself ‘Where am I like that and when do I do the same thing?”

Close your eyes and give yourself time to answer the question. Write down those instances when you’ve been the EXACT SAME WAY of what bothers you about someone else.

Then ask yourself if you’re willing to change.

When you remove patterns, habits and beliefs from your thinking and behavior, they will change or leave your life. It’s as simple as that.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” – Ghandi

If you have a lover who is cold and seems unloving, look to see if there is a belief within you that came from watching your parents in your childhood that says “Love is cold and undemonstartive.”

If you have a partner who is nagging and non-supportive, again, look to your childhood beliefs. Did you have a parent that was nagging and non-supportive? Are you that way?

There is only one way to change others – change ourselves first.

Change your patterns and your will find that ‘they’ are different too.

How do we attract the love we want?

There’s a quote I love:

“The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. The flower blossoms and the bee comes to it.”

Love comes when we are least expecting it, when we are not looking for it. Hunting for love NEVER brings the right partner. It only creates longing and unhappiness.

Love is never outside ourselves, love is within ourselves.

Exercise #2

Here’s a tool that I use with clients and it works. It’s also something that can be changed or added to on a daily or monthly basis as your desires and qualities change.

Sit down and list the qualities you want in a relationship. How do you want to feel in a relationship? How do you want your partner to act towards you? And what do you want your partner to say to you?

Now – develop those qualities in yourself and you will attract a person who has those qualities.

And that’s it.

You have to BE the love you want to attract.

Be ready for love when it does come.

Prepare the field and be ready for love to grow!

Be loving and you will be lovable.

Comment below – which qualities in yourself are you going to develop now?

How I almost RUINED my relationship with my guy and the two steps I took to break free from fear!

I help women manifest their soulmates. Their partner. Their love. Their other half. Call it what you will…

And I wish I could tell you that the work stopped there.

Step 1. Learn to love yourself.

Step 2. Attract in your reciprocal.

Step 3. Happily ever after.

Um…no.

That’s not how it works.

Using the tools I teach to other women, I manifested the man of my dreams.

And shortly after we moved in together, things got hard.

Like really hard.

Like ‘what would you do if we broke up’ type of conversation really hard.

And let me tell you, my heart was hurting.

I had attracted in the love of my life and yet old patterns and thoughts and belief systems were getting in the way and sabotaging this relationship that I had worked so hard to get.

I learned really quick that the work never ends. And especially not in the most important relationship – the one with your intimate.

Our partner is an amazing (and sometimes hard to see) mirror.

I knew these fights that my guy and I were having were not only about him..but deeply deeply about me.

When he said that I made him feel like ‘he wasn’t good enough and that he failed,’ well you can bet I flipped that around in my head instantly to mean “I don’t think I’m good enough and I think I failed.”

Wait, let me back up here. I’m getting ahead of myself.

As soon as we shifted from honeymoon phase and started down this path to self-sabotage, there were two very important tools that I used to figure out what the hell was going on and how the heck to fix it.

Because ultimately, deep down in my heart, I know I deserve to have an amazing relationship with myself an with my beloved.

And if you’re reading this, so do you.

1. The Work by Byron Katie

The premise of the Work is 4 questions. Byron Katie offers up the worksheet freely on her website which you can access and print out at any time.

You take a belief that is bothering you. Perhaps it is about someone you haven’t forgiven.

In my case, I will use a very personal example to show you how it’s done:

“I believe that my partner doesn’t really love me and doesn’t want to be with me.”

Question 1: Is it true? Yes or no.

In this case, when I searched into my heart (and it didn’t take much searching) I found the answer to be ‘no.’

If I had answered ‘yes’ I would have moved onto question 2.

Question 2: Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Question 3: How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

For me, I felt sad and insecure. I felt like I wasn’t good enough.

You can then dig deeper into the reply by answering an additional series of questions.

a) Does that thought bring peace or stress into your life?

b) What images do you see, past and future, and what physical sensations arise as you think that thought and witness those images?

c) What emotions arise when you believe that thought?

d) Do any obsessions or addictions begins o appear when you believe that thought? (Do you act out on any of the following: alcohol, drugs, credit cards, food, sex, television?)

e) How do you treat the person in this situation when you believe the thought? How do you treat other people and yourself?

Question 4. Who would you be without the thought?

I would simply be at peace. I would be happy in my relationship on a daily basis and excited about all the big changes ahead of us! I would enjoy each and every moment with this amazing being who loves me dearly.

And after you’ve done all of this, the turn-around. Take the belief and turn it around to yourself, to the other and to the opposite.

The Turn Around

1. To the Self – I don’t really love me.

2. To the other – I don’t really love him.

3. To the opposite – He doesn’t really love me.

And then you ask yourself if the turnaround is less true, true, or more true than the original statement. And let me tell you, you’ll know if your heart immediately if they are true or even truer than your originally statement.

For me, #1 was huge. My heart was saying, “OH YEAH!” Whereas for #2 and #3 it was a quick answer of “that’s not true.”

Even more, it’s beneficial to find at least 3 times in this situation where you can find those turn arounds to be true.

By doing this exercise I VERY QUICKLY realized my core issue was a feeling of not being good enough and not loving myself.

I realized that I had been forgetting about me.

And remembering that the only way we can truly attract love into our lives is by loving ourselves FIRST. Only then can we attract in the exact same love.

Little me, the scared little girl inside, was not feeling the love. So she was lashing out…

Which brings me to the second exercise on my healing journey to self-love and awareness.

2. Taming Your Outer Child by Susan Anderson

This is a book that is the culmination of over 30 years of clinical experience performed by Susan Anderson.

The premise is that we all have an inner child.

The inner child is our 4 year old self that has basic needs to feel loved and safe and secure. When those needs aren’t being met, our outer child acts out as a way to get those needs to be met. However, it’s never in a healthy way and as a result of outer child’s actions, it usually makes the problem worse.

For example:

Inner child wants to feel safe and secure and protected but feels scared because you’re in debt. Outer child responds by going on a shopping spree with the credit cards. Because after all, having more stuff makes you feel good about yourself and secure in your social status, right?
Inner child wants to feel loved and good about herself. But you’ve been hurt in the past by previous relationships. So outer responds by binge eating. You gain weight. Outer thinks she is helping because now you’re overweight and ‘safe’ and not attracting in a partner. You can’t get hurt if you’re not in a relationship, right?
Outer is the one that eats the chocolate cake when you’re on a diet.
Outer is the one that procrastinates when you’ve got an important deadline.

Essentially outer child acts out when the inner child is tired, cranky, triggered or stressed and her needs aren’t being met.

When I realized that issues between he and I were most certainly our outer children acting out, I did a writing exercise.

It might seems silly. And it will most likely seem a little schizophrenic, but it works. And I highly suggest you try it.

The Little/Big Exercise:

Close your eyes and imagine your inner child. Your inner child is you at four years old and just wants love. When those needs aren’t being met, Outer Child (lets pretend it’s a big brother around 10 years old) acts out to help protect Inner. But it always makes things worse.

See your Inner Child. See your Outer child. And then put your Adult Self in the room with the two of them. Your adult self is a loving, caring adult. (I usually envision a loving aunt or grandma for this).

Tell Inner child that it’s okay to turn around and stand up to Outer Child. Inner child tells Outer Child that there is no need to protect her any more because Adult Self is there.

Now this is where it gets fun.

Open your eyes. Grab and pen and paper and start by having a conversation between your Inner Child and your Adult (Big) self.

I will use the beginning of my dialog as an example so you can see how powerful this work is and you’ll be surprised by what actually comes up!

Big: What’s up, little? Why is Outer acting up so much? What am I missing?

Little: I’m scared. What if Ron doesn’t like me in the end? Once he really gets to know me? What if I’m unlovable?

Big: That’s not possible. You’re completely lovable. I love you!

Little: No you don’t. You’re so worried about external validation that you’re not really focused on loving me.

Big: That’s going to change. I’ll do things every day to show that I love you. I do love you. And I love Ron, too.

Little: But what about me? If you don’t love me, things will get worse. Outer will keep acting out and sabotage your relationship with Ron. And you’ll be alone. And unhappy. Because all you’ll be left with is me…who you don’t really love. And we’ll both be sad.

Big: I hear you. I’m listening. You need more love. I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you. What can I do?

You see?! It’s so amazing what comes up in our subconscious as we’re having a conversation with ourselves.

The conversation went on and I realized some deep and powerful nuggets, such as: “I’m so scared of being seen for who I really am. What if I’m not good enough?”

The conversation ended with Big comforting Little and promising to “be pro-active and take the steps I need to take and not allow fear to ruin my life. I’ll put on my big girl pants and start acting like a mature grown-up and show you love. I’ll act from my heart in love and not from fear.”

I know, sounds a bit crazy.

But you’ll have to trust me on this.

These 2 steps saved my relationship.

And I continue to use them when necessary. It’s a never-ending process. We don’t reach enlightenment. Just like we don’t reach a perfect relationship end-point where we can just sit back, put our feet up and enjoy the good life.

I wish I would have known about them earlier. But I know about them now. And now you have the tools, too.

Oh, and one more thing….

You HAVE to write down the conversation with Little.

If you just THINK the dialog, your mind is too quick. It gets ahead of you and tries to come up with the solution. You HAVE to write and have the conversation. Only then you will reach your ‘a-ha’ moments.

Your homework: Buy the books. Read them. Do the work.

And I promise, your life will improve. Not just in your love life and relationships, but in general.

And tell me what happens when you do so.

Already read the books? Tell me below how you’ve put those tools into your life practice! Not just in relationships but in every aspect!

3 Practices That Attracted my Devoted Partner

Are you looking to attract a lover that is devoted to you?

Are you looking for a deep, strong unwavering connection with your partner?

Are you looking to heal your wounds and put yourself on the path to attracting the type of love you know in your heart you deserve?

Then read on, girlfriend, because I’ve got three helpful practices you can implement today in order to attract JUST THAT TYPE of love and partner into your life!

As time goes on and my connection deepens with my man, I can’t help but reflect on how far I’ve come in the realm of love. My partner cares for me deeply and I feel secure in his love. He cherishes me and our relationship deepens on a daily basis as he showers me with love and appreciation.

Life wasn’t always this way…

My past relationships are sprinkled with heartbreak, tears, sadness, and disappointment. (sound familiar?)

And as painful as it was, I wouldn’t trade those experiences for the world because they taught me ONE very important thing.

This ONE thing has actually been the basis for the creation of my amazing relationship as it is today.

So what is that ONE thing?

It taught me what I DON’T want in a relationship.

It’s important to know what we want in life and in our love life. When we know what we want, we can take the steps towards creating it!

But sometimes it’s not so easy to figure that out…

How many times have you been asked “What do you want?”

to which the answer is usually:

I don’t know.
Everything.
Whatever.
Whatever you want.

You see, it isn’t always crystal clear to know what we want.

But ask a woman what she DOESN’T want, on the hand…

Ahh…..now we’re talking!

So, when you are continuously confronted with painful situations laden with what you DON’T WANT, it’s a great basis for creating the opposite: a life you do want!

All that pain and all that heartbreak gave me a crystal clear vision of what I do not want in my love life.

So I shifted things around and started practicing three things.

These three things I teach in my 6 Weeks to Love Intensive Coaching program and I’m happy to introduce them to you now!

1. Love Yourself

I know you’ve heard it before because I like to preach it!

You’ve got to LOVE THYSELF.

Self-love is the KEY to attracting an amazing relationship.

Our lives are simply mirrors of our beliefs of yesterday. Whatever we believe about ourselves or believe we can have is EXACTLY what we end up creating in our lives.

The reason self-love is so important is simple: we attract people who treat us how we treat ourselves.

How many of you have heard about the woman who always attracts in the abuser? And usually the woman is a stereotypical type of gal: meek, timid, doesn’t believe in herself, the victim.

Many of us carry hidden beliefs that we aren’t good enough or worthy enough to be deeply loved. So we attract someone in that gives us just what we believe we deserve. We create relationships that ‘prove’ this to be true. We call-in people and circumstances that make us feel unworthy. And it affirms our belief system and the cycle continues.

*Sigh*

So how do you break that cycle?

The way to end this cycle is exactly what I teach in my coaching intensive. It centers around learning how to value yourself way MORE than you ever have before!

You learn to listen to yourself. You learn what YOUR needs are. You get to know yourself and become super sensitive to your needs. It’s everything that you’ve always wished (and waited) that your ideal partner would do for you.

It’s how your ideal match would care for you.

But the big secret is – you can’t wait until you’ve found the one.

You’ve GOT to start loving yourself today in the EXACT way you want to be loved.

Only then will you attract in the person that will love you the way you deserve to be loved.

2. Make Space for Love

Let’s say you wanted to buy a new couch for your living room.

But your living room is full!

There’s the old couch still in there, for one. There are stacks of books piled next to it. Last night’s dinner is still on the coffee table….

There is no space in your living room for a new couch.

So how do you expect to fit one in there?

Well for one, you’ve got to clean up the mess.

For two, get that old couch out of there!

It’s the exact same for your love life.

Clean up the mess –

Get your emotional state in order. If you’re still pining over a lost love. Let. It. Go. If you have any thoughts of “there’s no good men out there” you need to replace them with “my guy is on his way! There is totally an amazing match for me.”
Physically clean up the mess. Does your house even offer a warming environment to have a lover over? Do you have the physical space in your life for a second person to be there? To share a bed with? To sit on the couch with? To sit in the car with you? Or are you so entrenched in the single life that your passenger seat is another space to collect your stuff and the bedside table on the other side of the bed stores your stacks of books and magazines? Do you still have photos of ex’s hanging on the wall? Look around and make your space available to host your partner.

3. Visualize Love

This one is the best part of the process!

It’s the best for two reasons.

It works!
It’s fun!

I love to write and I love to dream and use my imagination.

We all have the abilities to create whatever it is we want in our heads.

The sky is the limit! This is how progress is created in the world. How many scientists and revolutionaries came up with something simply amazing that changed the course of history because they dared to dream of something that didn’t exist before?

The lightbulb. Electricity. The gas powered car. An airplane. Gravity. The Earth revolving around the sun, for goodness sake.

And you know what these all had in common?

It was something that didn’t exist prior. It was only in that person’s head.

And then it was created!!

So when you visualize love, all you have to do is close your eyes and picture yourself in an average day with your partner.

What do you do?
How do you feel?
What does it feel like to be loved by this person?

Before I was actually in this amazing relationship I am today, I would journal and dream and write down everything I wanted in a relationship.

And then I would close my eyes…

And I would SEE it and I would FEEL it.

I could imagine what it would FEEL like to be with this person even though I didn’t have the awesome relationship yet.

Before I had experienced what it truly felt like to be cherished by a man, I would hold that vision and feeling in my mind at least once a day, and usually more like three or even five times a day! It felt good to go to my ‘never land’ of a place I had never experienced before.

The more I concentrated on the vision and the feeling, the more certain I became in the idea that my love was being attracted to me. The more I felt those feelings of love and worth, the more excited I got about the relationship!

The more excited I become, the closer the relationship came to me until one day, he was standing right in front of me and ordering a beer. (yup, I met my guy while I was a waitress. Goes to show, you never know what life has in store for you!)

By implementing the practices above, I started the process of attracting my devoted partner towards me.

I loved myself.

2. I created space for a partner in my life.

3. And I visualized what life would look like with that person.

I became the embodiment of love. And so love was attracted to me!

If you’re interested in going deeper and attracting in your partner in as little as 6 weeks, I highly suggest you apply to for my 1:1 intensive coaching program.

And also, please leave a comment below telling us how you’re going to become the embodiment of love. How are you going to implement these practices into your daily life? Have you already been doing them and are they working for you?

I look forward to hearing from you!