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9 Steps – How to Manifest Love Using the Law of Attraction
9 Steps –
How to Manifest Love Using the Law of Attraction
Once upon a time I decided I had HAD ENOUGH of having my heart broken.
So I actually sat down and mapped out step by step how the hell I was going to manifest the love of my life, the man of my dreams.
And you know what happened as a result?
It worked!
In this post, I’m going to share with you the actual steps I took and also why the LAW OF ATTRACTION sometimes doesn’t work.
Like at all.
Instead, I’m going to show you how it CAN work in your favor!
The information that I’m sharing with you today is only one part of my#ManifestHim private coaching program and also is included in my 8 week Attract the One via Radical Self Love online coaching program.
If you follow the steps I’m sharing with you today you will:
- Become a powerful love magnet
- Boost your self love
- Attract in your beloved/soulmate/true love in a very short time period
Sound good?
Rumi, one of my favorite poets, once said:
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
-
And that is what you’ve got to do, my dear.
Don’t LOOK for love as OUTSIDE of you. Instead, remove all the blocks and barriers you’ve created INSIDE of you to love.
Once you become love, you will attract love to you.
Sounds woo-woo but it really is as simple as that.
Manifesting your Soulmate using the Law of Attraction
Let’s do this!!!!!
Step 1: Make a Commitment
Before you can actually change your life for the better and attract in the love of your life, you actually need to commit to it happening.
You need to be hell-bent on the outcome happening for you!
You need to push aside any worries or fears that it’s not going to work out.
You need to get rid of any sorry-ass excuses that “I’m too ugly/fat/boring/tired/busy to manifest love”.
Instead, COMMIT to yourself that love is available to you right in this moment and you will stop at nothing to get it.
okay?
You can’t always get what you want. That’s for sure. (cue Rolling Stones song….)
And sometimes we don’t even get what we need.
But what I’ve figured out in my life is that I usually (if not 100% of the time) get what I COMMIT to and put my mind to and work my ass off towards getting….
What’s that? I can’t run my own wildly successful love coaching business online, mister neigh sayer ?
Just you fucking watch me!
And then I commit to making it happen and then BAM! Less than 3 months later, I have a schedule full of clients and am building various online programs that already have a waiting list.
Commitment.
That’s the difference between WANTING something in life and actually GETTING something in life.
So, when you actually DECIDE that you’re ready for your soulmate in your life (and this is no small feat because you will have to face your SHIT and own up to it on a daily basis), you have to COMMIT to it.
Just like getting married, baby.
Anything less than a 120% commitment, well, that’s the relationship you’re going to get. Half-assed.
Step 2: Believe it can happen and is possible for you
Okay, this one is a bit more challenging for some people, because we are a tangled mess of fears and insecurities and ‘yeah, but…’ that even though you say the affirmations and journal and dream and whatever else woo-woo shit that I suggest you do….
If you don’t actually BELIEVE it can happen for you deep down inside, it WON’T happen for you.
(I elaborate MORE on this concept in my recent blog post – so I’m not going to go into it here. Read the post. Then come back, mmmkay?)
So, spend a couple minutes figuring out what your current belief systems are in regards to love and a good way to do it is as follows:
- Write down the following phrase on a sheet of paper: I deserve to have an amazing partner and the love of my life today!
- Then listen….
- Did your mind reply with “Hells yeah I do!” or did your mind reply with something along the lines of “yeah, but, that hasn’t happened. And actually last time I thought I was with the one it ended in heartbreak. Fuck, man. I’m gonna end up as a cat lady, I just know it.”
- Now that you know what your limiting beliefs are, flip that shit around and write a positive affirmation instead!
- Get pumped and read that affirmation to yourself on a daily basis!
- Dance a bit first and get moving so you’ve got endorphins moving through your body (EMOTION CREATES VIBRATION) and then tell yourself how much you deserve to have an amazing partner and love of your life today and that he is on his way this current instant.
- Love yourself. Because, duh. That comes first. Only then will someone else love you.
Step 3: Put the ‘word’ or ‘intention’ out there
I’m not saying you have to publicly post on Facebook that you are looking for your soulmate and currently taking applications. (although you certainly can if you want to. I saw someone do it once and I thought “Hells yes! Good for him. Putting himself out there and letting the world know he is ready!”)
But what it does mean is this:
- Write an intention – You can say it out loud or write it down. Something along the lines of “I am open to receiving the love of my life, my soulmate, my twin flame. I now welcome love in.”
- Open your heart and be ready to receive love. Visualize what life would be like with this person. Feel the love in your heart as though it was already here in this present moment.
- Open your mind and be open to the possibilities of love coming your way. The mind is very literal. So grab and pen and paper and start writing your affirmations on a daily basis. “My perfect partner is out there and on his way to me now!”
Step 4: Get clear in your vision
I love this part! This is where you get to sit down and journal EXACTLY what you want Mister/Missus Right to look like, smell like, feel like, etc.
Our subconscious mind operates in pictures and feelings.
So – get clear on what your perfect life with this perfect person is going to LOOK like. And I highly suggest you get super duper clear in what you want. And please DON’T write what you don’t want. Only focus on what you DO want. Nothing is too trivial. Put it all in there!
And then sit your pretty self down for at least 10 minutes a day and DREAM. See this vision clearly in your mind’s eye and FEEL it like it was happening today.
That’s an order, young lady!
Step 5: Let GO of old pain and heartbreak
I know, easier said than done. But this step has to happen.
Work on forgiving yourself.
Forgive past lovers and old partners.
You NEED to create space for this NEW love to enter your life.
- Heal your heart. How? Well, there are a variety of ways and I could write a book on HOW to do it. But for sake of time, I’ll tell you this, instead. Do sweet things every day for YOU to show yourself that you love yourself. Write down all the ways that someone (including yourself) have hurt you in the past and then….BURN IT! As you tell yourself that you forgive them all (and you) and you are willing and open to receive love into your heart, now.
- De-clutter your mind. What are the stories that are going on in your brain such as “I’ll be happier once I have my soulmate.” I’ll finally start a family and feel worthy once I have my soulmate” “All guys suck and will only hurt me in the end.” Whatever they are, we all have stories. You gotta replace those old thoughts and belief systems with new ones! So whatever your previous story was, it’s going to be something else instead like “I’m happy right now and my soulmate is on his way!” “I feel so worthy inside!” or “There is the perfect guy out there for me that will treasure me and cherish me!” Got it?
- Release the Past. It no longer serves you. I repeat: Let that shit go! Anything that happened in your past made you who you are today but it does NOT decide your future. So, if you’re holding on to your old sorry story of why you were hurt in the past, then you are living in the past. And how the hell is your soulmate going to step in and fill that space? There is NO space. You are living in the past. Stop it! Here’s an analogy to help: if you’ve got a passenger in your car (aka your thoughts of a past lover) how is your new lover (aka your soulmate) going to get in?
- Make room for love. Are you working two jobs and come home exhausted each night? Is your house cluttered and not even welcoming for guests? Do you have ‘friends with benefits’ that take up any free nights you actually have and are also emotionally draining? If you met your soulmate today, would you have emotional/physical/spiritual room for them!? Think about various ways in your life that you may be blocking your ability to have a partner in your life and go about making room for love!
Step 6: Tell a NEW story, already
Another great analogy (because I love them)….
Imagine you were walking through a prairie of waist high grass.
You walk through it once.
Most likely, no one will be able to tell you were there….
But, if you walk it over and over and over again…
A path is formed!
So, train yer brain!
What NEW PATHWAYS are you going to create?
We have spent years and years and years creating certain paths and belief systems and a lot of the time….they aren’t even our belief systems! They were handed down to us by society or by our parents or friends!
You tell the story of how you were hurt in the past, or why daddy didn’t love you, or how you were left at the alter on your wedding day…..YAWN!
Stop it already!
The more you tell the same old sorry stories, the more you tell the universe that is what you expect to continue to happen with your life.
Instead, start telling a new story of how you always meeting amazing and loving people. Of how you are excited to go to new events because of the people you are going to meet. Of how much you fricken love yourself and love your life and are looking forward to so many new amazing experiences in your future!
You get me, here?
Step 7: Get a support system to cheer you on!
It takes a village, baby.
When I was seriously ready to let go of my old limiting belief systems, you know what I did?
I hired a love coach!
Yeah, duh.
No body can (or should) go at ‘it’ alone.
Think about professional athletes – they have coaches! They don’t decide one day to stop training because they are good at what they do. Nope, they seek help and get better!
And you know what else?
Some days you feel like crap. Your emotions get the better of you (especially if you’re a woman!) and you feel like there is no hope in sight. So you cuddle up with a gallon of Ben and Jerry’s.
But if you have a support system on hand – those moments won’t last long and they will be few and far between!
So – take a good hard look at your friends – are they building you up or tearing you down? Are you cheering you on or agreeing with you when you say there are no good men out there?
And guess what – when you’re soulmate comes along….shit comes up!
My relationship with my man can be challenging. He’s a beautiful mirror of issues in myself that I have not healed.
And if I didn’t have friends/mentors/coaches that I could turn to when the shit hits the fan….well most likely we still wouldn’t be together. It’s constant work, my friends. And it never ends.
Step 8: Get ready (emotionally, spiritually, physically, whatever) for your soulmate!
You’ve set the intention. You’ve done the work. Now what?
Keep doing the work!
Keep taking the steps to improve yourself.
Clear out emotional baggage.
Get your mind on track and stop thinking silly old limiting beliefs.
Take care of your beautiful body – hikes, yoga, gym time, whatever you enjoy.
Love yourself fiercely, like you’re all you’ve got.
Because guess what?
You ARE all you’ve got.
Step 9: Let go (again!)
You’ve done all you can. Now is the time to let go and trust in the universe. Trust that all is happening in divine timing and will manifest exactly when and how it’s supposed to!
One More thing….
If you want to jump start the process of attracting in your one true love, then let’s get on the phone and talk! Apply for a Breakthrough to Love Coaching Call and let’s see if working together is a logical next step for you!
#TRUTHTUESDAYS Ep. 2 – Releasing Pain, Shame and Guilt
Ready to release guilt, pain and shame?
Here’s the dealio.
We’ve all done stuff we ain’t proud of.
Myself included.
(yep, that beauty up there)
But here’s the good news!
You can let that shit go. With ease. And no longer allow it to plague you with guilt, shame and anxiety!
So – I suggest you watch the not quite 5 minute video up there to learn EXACTLY what it is you can do whenever the hell you want to let go of yucky feelings.
You know what happens then?
You make space for LOVE, BABY!
And if this is up your alley of what you’d like to create in your life, then I HIGHLY suggest you check out my 8 Week Radical Self Love Group Coaching Program!
- To help you learn how to LOVE the real you.
- TO help you let go of CRAP that no longer serves you – i.e. feelings of guilt, shame, pain.
- To help you appreciate the beauty that is within.
- To help you learn to love and appreciate yourself for exactly who you are so that you live the life of your dreams and attract in an amazing and loving partner to share it with!
- To help you raise your confidence and self-love levels so that you fall deeply in love with yourself.
- To help you break through your excuses and pain and barriers to love so that you finally learn to love yourself and attract in the love of your life to do the same (if you’re single) or drastically improve your current relationship if you’re in one!
Sound good?
Hop over to the group coaching page right this instant sister, and get ready to experience Radical Self Love!
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#TRUTHTUESDAYS Ep. 1 – Be yourself already!
WATCH THE VIDEO FIRST. THEN READ ON!
AS YOU’VE LEARNED BY NOW, I CUSS LIKE A SAILOR.
But I wasn’t always that way.
I used to be quite the lady and change my attitude and persona and words based on who I was talking to.
If I met a woman who owned a health clinic, for example, I would play up my nutrition degree, I would talk about how I didn’t eat gluten, I would invite her to my yoga class, I would even change the cantor of my speech and the words I would use.
WHICH IS KINDA LAME IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
HERE’S THE THING.
Yes – we probably shouldn’t talk to our grandma the same way we would talk to our best friend. And if I met the president of the U.S., I wouldn’t say “sup, dawg?”
But there’s something to be said about being unapologetically true to myself and my beliefs and my way of going about in the world.
Prior to my coaching business, I owned a little cafe.
And it pretty much owned my life.
I didn’t have many friends, because I was working 60 to 80 hour weeks, and just didn’t have the time or energy to nurture relationships.
It was a total drag.
AS YOU CAN GUESS, I GOT LONELY.
If I didn’t have my partner, well I’m not really sure how I would have gotten through that period in my life.
All work and no play.
When that phase ended, I decided I needed some serious female connections in my life.
Strong powerful women that were kicking ass in life (and in their careers) and fiercely proud of who they were.
So I started to go to various networking events where I assumed these amazing women hung out!
And you know what happened?I started meeting some cool babes!
And you know what happened?I started meeting some cool babes!
BUT…AND THERE’S ALWAYS A BUT…
I wasn’t being genuine.
I didn’t act fully like me – which meant being funny and silly, cursing when appropriate and having a drink now and then.
Instead, I acted how I assumed that person would act or expect in a friend.
So all those connections with these powerful women remained superficial.
No deep and powerful connections happened as a result.But then!
No deep and powerful connections happened as a result.But then!
AND THANK GODDESS THERE IS A TURNAROUND.
- I decided to let loose. (because what the fuck did I have to lose?)
- I talked with passion about what it was that interested me.
- I had a drink when I felt like it when everyone else was sipping their bubble water.
- I cursed whenever the fuck I felt like it (with some discretion…I’m not a complete asshole).
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?
These powerful women that I was so desperately trying to make friends with…
ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY WANTED TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME!
And you wanna know why?
I WAS FINALLY BEING ME!
PEOPLE AREN’T DUMB. THEY CAN TELL WHEN YOU’RE NOT BEING SINCERE.
So since I wasn’t being genuine, they picked up on it and kept their distance.
Acquaintances, YES. Friends, NO.
And once I let the magic and beauty and uniqueness of ME shine through 100% of the time….
Deep and powerful connections happened!
So where am I going with this?
You have to be 100% unapologetically YOU in order to attract in those that will FULLY appreciate who you are.
If you are putting on aires and trying to be someone else that you think a guy will like….well then sooner or later he’s going to find the ‘real you’ and might not like what he sees.
So the sooner you go about being 100% confident in who you are and allowing that person to be present 100% of the time…
The only people you actually attract to you are the ones that really matter because they LOVE the true you.
And when you attract in a match that SEES you for who you are and LOVES you for who you are, good times and bad, with or without makeup, with a massive zit on your face or just after a massage….
You get the idea…
THAT’S SOULMATE LEVEL LOVE RIGHT THERE.
That’s why I created my 8 Week Radical Self Love Group Coaching Program!
- To help you learn how to LOVE the real you.
- To help you appreciate the beauty that is within.
- To help you learn to love and appreciate yourself for exactly who you are so that you live the life of your dreams and attract in an amazing and loving partner to share it with!
- To help you raise your confidence and self-love levels so that you fall deeply in love with yourself and attract in a man who does the same.
- To help you break through your excuses and pain and barriers to love so that you finally learn to love yourself and attract in the love of your life to do the same!
Sound good?
Hop over to the group coaching page right this instant sister, and get ready to experience Radical Self Love!
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Sign up for the mailing list and get content like this sent directly to your inbox! Plus other inspirational bits and love notes from yours truly!
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Manifest Your Soulmate in 21 days
Manifest Your Soulmate in 21 Days!
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Why affirmations are sh!t…and what to do about it!
I recently completed a survey of single women who are actively trying to do something to manifest their soulmate.
To call in the one…
Find their other half…
Their ‘media naranja’ as they say in español….
(now that I’m lounging on the beach in Costa Rica, I actually have time to compile the results and make something of them!)
If you’re one of these ladies, do any of these things sound famiilar?
1. Visualize
2. Meditate
3. Go on spiritual dating sites
4. Not looking
5. Looking
6. Vision board
7. Becoming celibate
8. Making a witches brew
9. Praying
10. Praying harder
I will be the first to admit that I’ve tried it all in regards to dating (and no that wasn’t MY list up there.)
And yet nothing really ever worked….
(well up until now because I’ve actually figured out HOW TO manifest an amazing partner that is exactly what I asked for)
Want to know why?
It’s what I lovingly refer to as the WHIPPED CREAM ON GARBAGE syndrome.
Told to me first by my father.
A world renowned hypnotherapist.
“World Renowned? What does that mean?”, you might ask.
Well, quite simply it means people fly in from all across the globe to work with him.
When I was a kid he taught me about beliefs and affirmations.
And he said: Affirmations are crap. They actually don’t do anything because they are whipped cream on garbage.
Well actually he said shit. They are whipped cream on shit.
If you don’t get to the underlying belief system.
If your underlying belief system, your garbage, is that I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough, I suck, no one will ever love me…
You can look in the mirror and affirm yourself to death but you will still not be good enough, not lovely, not loved…
So…
As you can see, the reasons all these things that women are trying are not working is because they are….
WHIPPED CREAM ON SHIT.
It might taste sweet, it might sound sweet, it might LOOK sweet, but it doesn’t actually work.
Whereas the 6 week program I’ve developed, gets to the garbage, it gets down to the nitty gritty, to the sludge, to the toxic waste.
That underlying belief system….that record on repeat, that tells you you’re not good enough, you’re not worthy, you suck, you’ll never be loved….
What ever it is that YOUR record is…
These are horrible. These are toxic. They are sludge. They are garbage. A toxic heap.
And that is the actual reason that you are not worthy of love.
It’s because deep down inside you actually believe it.
Look in the mirror and tell yourself pretty words…
Sit down with your journal and write affirmations till your fingers bleed.
Do your mantras every day…
Because those are only going to work (and they do work by the way) if you clear the trash, the rubbish, the crap that is sitting deep down inside.
You have this beautiful light, this diamond, this jewel on the inside but it’s so tarnished and covered in all these different negative beliefs.
This 6 weeks to love program, what it does, is start to polish that jewel by tearing away those belief systems one by one and replacing them with something new.
Let me reiterate one more time.
Whipped cream = where you want to be.
I am beautiful.
I am lovely
I am worthy.
I am good enough.
I deserve to have the love of my life.
The garage (not true) = a lifetime of negative belief systems that have been handed to you from your parents, from society, from them TV shows you watch.
They all pile up on top of each other.
They build and they build and they build…
We have to clear the trash out.
Make space. Make room.
So when you actually do amazing powerful work – like mediation , mantras, and affirmations, they WORK! Because then your entire field is clear.
You see what I’m saying?
It’s like trying to make a meal in a pan that’s crusted over with last nights dinner. And before that, last weeks’ lunch. And the month before’s breakfast.
All these layers of grime have been stacked on top of each other.
At the time you’re trying to create anything beautiful and lovely….well it’s gonna taste like horrible old shit. It’s gonna taste like rotten food from months ago.
So you’ve got to clear out the pan.
aka – clear out the trash.
And start fresh!
And then – oh my goodness – you will be THE most powerful, sexy, goddess that you know in your heart of hearts to be true.
You know her.
She’s there.
You’ve caught glimpses of her.
But it’s not all the time.
And I want to help you get to the point where she is.
She’s there all of the time.
Because all of those untruths and misbeliefs….
Are GONE!
Sending you love,
xo
Emyrald
(Want to find out more about the 6 Weeks to Love 1:1 Intensive Coaching program? It might be the ONE THING that can guide you from where you are to where you want to be!)
The ONE Thing I learned from David Deida (spiritual growth and sacred intimacy guru) That I Share With You Now
“I have chosen you as my lover for many reasons. But I am most compelled by the attraction I feel for your feminine heart… Your special gift to me is the unique quality of the feminine love you offer. Your feminine essence fills my life with a love that is so intimate and tender, my heart opens at your sight. I understand there is a lot more to you, but you are my chosen lover – rather than just my friend – because the ambrosial light of your feminine essence fills my heart and brightens my world with beauty, inspiration and the unending grace of love’s abundance.”
– David Deida
If you’re like most women, that passage above will speak to you and melt your heart, because you have a feminine essence.
Which means at some point in your life and somewhere deep in your heart you have held the fairy tale belief: the right man will find you, you’ll give him what he wants and needs, and he’ll love you forever.
But then at some point in your life, you shut down that part of your brain. You no longer held onto those “silly stories.”
Sure you still LOVE romance novels and you might cry during weddings but somewhere along the way….
You were told to grow up.
So you put on your big girl pants.
And you slowly started to let the magic and wonder of love and fairy tales fade away…
Do you want that magic back?
Do you deep down inside STILL BELIEVE in that fairy tale romance?
Are you ready to attract and keep a man capable of meeting you where you’re at and giving you what you most passionately yearn for?
Then read on. Because I’m here to tell you that it’s not only possible, I’m going to show you how to do it.
For those of you who are not familiar with David Deida, I highly suggest you buy Dear Lover immediately! (And then buy The Way of the Superior Man for extra brownie points and understanding.) David Deida is my own personal spiritual guru in regards to love, sex, intimacy and the divine masculine and feminine.
I’ve been studying him for years and there was ONE HUGE turning point for me that happened while reading his books.
One very important shift that allowed me to see what I was doing wrong in all my prior relationships.
And if you’re anything like most women out there, you are making this mistake, too.
In order to understand what you could be doing wrong, you have to understand the difference between the divine masculine and the divine feminine.
And I’m not talking about the difference between a boy and a girl and if you’ve got male-bits or lady-parts.
I’m talking deep down inside…..
If you had to pick one, which one do you most resonate with?
- the mission toward unchanging and eternal freedom of consciousness; a goal; a purpose; the end-game
or
2. the ever-changing flow of love and and life; the unknown; the mystery; the constant change
Is it easier for you to:
- navigate towards your goals with a dedicated focus towards the end point
or
2. dance and move yourself in total body ecstasy
Both of us have masculine AND feminine qualities, but there will always be one that you MOST resonate with.
If you’re still having trouble figuring out which you are, this question usually seals the deal.
Would you rather:
- ravish your partner and be invited into your partner’s presence by their surrender
or
2. be ravished by your lover and desire him/her to merge with your heart and take you completely
If I just lost you there….Would you rather be on top or on bottom?
If you answered (1) to most of the above, then definitely a masculine core essence, regards of what your genitals are. If you answered (2), well then definitely the feminine.
So what does this mean in regards to relationships and what you’re doing wrong?
I speak from personal experience.
I’m a lady at heart; but I never really had that ‘a-ha’ realization until I read David Deida.
I was caught up in the de-feminization of our society. Women can work AND run the household. They can have kids and a career. By golly, if a man can do it then so can a women!
Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, except backwards and in high heels!
In all my intimate relationships, I was trying so hardly to be the man AND the woman. And as a result, one of the following things happened:
- Our relationship became neutral and passion was lost.
- We flipped roles. I assumed the masculine role and he assumed the feminine role.
And I’m you can guess what happened as a result.
We broke up.
So, once I had this a-ha moment, what were the action steps I took to get me to this amazing relationship I’m in now?
- I got comfortable waiting. Yup, I no longer approached men I was interested in. I didn’t start the conversation. I wasn’t the one to ask for his number. I stayed in the feminine role of receiving. The masculine is the one that has his purpose and his direction and his goals. If you, as the feminine, jump into the masculine role while dating, I guarantee you are going to attract in a feminine guy that prefers to be pursued. So, if you’re a feminine lady looking for a masculine man, take the pants off. Put on a skirt instead, and get comfortable waiting for him to lead.
- I learned how to trust. In prior relationships, I didn’t trust the direction of my man. That means I started making the decisions and deciding what was best for the relationship. What happened as a result? Well, I encouraged my man to take a back seat in the relationship. Nothing de-polarizes the relationship more than the woman consistently making the decisions and directing. Now, I’m not saying you can’t have an opinion. And if your man cherishes you, he will listen to your ideas and your opinions. But ultimately, he will make the decisions based on his intelligence, and you as the woman, TRUST his decisions.
- I embodied love. I got comfortable being in my body. I wore clothes that accented my beautiful feminine form. I took up yoga. I ran. I danced. Everything and anything that helped me embody the feminine essence of love.
- I stood up for myself. In order to finally and fully attract in a man that can handle the awesomeness of a fully empowered divine goddess, I had to create boundaries. I had to stop settling for men who weren’t good enough. I had to be strong enough to say ‘no’ to a man who was giving me attention even though I knew in my heart that he wasn’t fully present.
- I did the work. I continued to read self-help books and do spiritual growth exercises that allowed me to continue to release blockages and fears. I got in touch with the ‘little me’ to find out what that little girl inside was scared of and how I (big me) could alleviate those fears. In a nutshell, we get what we give. In order to attract in the incredible love I knew I was destined for, I had to start acting like it!
- I visualized. Yup, I held the vision of what life would be like with this amazing person. I saw it clearly in my minds eye, and I relished in how great it FELT to experience that life even before it happened. And I did this often.
And you know what happened?
One day, while I was serving in a brew pub, a cute sweet guy sat at my table. He ordered a beer and he asked for my number.
Years later, we are more in love than we’ve ever been before.
{VLOG} The ONE tool to attract the LOVE you want
Do you want to attract a love that is deep and pure?
Do you want to FEEL super confident about yourself and what you have to offer a partner?
Are you looking for an amazing and supportive relationship but don’t know how to create it?
I’m going to let you in on a little secret…
Life is all about relationships.
The relationship you have to objects, the weather, food, and to others – and they all reflect the relationship you have with YOURSELF!
This all started when you were a child.
How did your parents and adults treat you?
What words did they use when they scolded you? Do you use the same words when you scold YOURSELF? The same goes for how you praise yourself. Did you use the same words when you are telling yourself ‘Well-done!’ Or perhaps your parents never praised you so you have no idea how to praise yourself.
And that’s okay. Don’t blame your parents. That’s a victim mentality and removing the ability to take control of your life and actions.
I don’t blame parents. They can’t teach you what they themselves did not know. They are simply victims of victims.
It’s said that every major relationship we have is a reflection of the relationship we had with one of our parents.
Let that sink in.
Every major relationship we have…..
Is a reflection….
Of the relationship….
We had with one of our parents.
Can you find truth in that?
Perhaps too much truth that it’s scary?
Relationships are mirrors of ourselves. Always.
What we attract always mirrors qualities we have or beliefs we have about ourselves.
Exercise #1
Look for someone in your life that bothers you. Describe three things about this person you don’t like. Now look deeply inside of you and ask yourself ‘Where am I like that and when do I do the same thing?”
Close your eyes and give yourself time to answer the question. Write down those instances when you’ve been the EXACT SAME WAY of what bothers you about someone else.
Then ask yourself if you’re willing to change.
When you remove patterns, habits and beliefs from your thinking and behavior, they will change or leave your life. It’s as simple as that.
“Be the change you want to see in the world.” – Ghandi
If you have a lover who is cold and seems unloving, look to see if there is a belief within you that came from watching your parents in your childhood that says “Love is cold and undemonstartive.”
If you have a partner who is nagging and non-supportive, again, look to your childhood beliefs. Did you have a parent that was nagging and non-supportive? Are you that way?
There is only one way to change others – change ourselves first.
Change your patterns and your will find that ‘they’ are different too.
How do we attract the love we want?
There’s a quote I love:
“The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. The flower blossoms and the bee comes to it.”
Love comes when we are least expecting it, when we are not looking for it. Hunting for love NEVER brings the right partner. It only creates longing and unhappiness.
Love is never outside ourselves, love is within ourselves.
Exercise #2
Here’s a tool that I use with clients and it works. It’s also something that can be changed or added to on a daily or monthly basis as your desires and qualities change.
Sit down and list the qualities you want in a relationship. How do you want to feel in a relationship? How do you want your partner to act towards you? And what do you want your partner to say to you?
Now – develop those qualities in yourself and you will attract a person who has those qualities.
And that’s it.
You have to BE the love you want to attract.
Be ready for love when it does come.
Prepare the field and be ready for love to grow!
Be loving and you will be lovable.
Comment below – which qualities in yourself are you going to develop now?
How I almost RUINED my relationship with my guy and the two steps I took to break free from fear!
I help women manifest their soulmates. Their partner. Their love. Their other half. Call it what you will…
And I wish I could tell you that the work stopped there.
Step 1. Learn to love yourself.
Step 2. Attract in your reciprocal.
Step 3. Happily ever after.
Um…no.
That’s not how it works.
Using the tools I teach to other women, I manifested the man of my dreams.
And shortly after we moved in together, things got hard.
Like really hard.
Like ‘what would you do if we broke up’ type of conversation really hard.
And let me tell you, my heart was hurting.
I had attracted in the love of my life and yet old patterns and thoughts and belief systems were getting in the way and sabotaging this relationship that I had worked so hard to get.
I learned really quick that the work never ends. And especially not in the most important relationship – the one with your intimate.
Our partner is an amazing (and sometimes hard to see) mirror.
I knew these fights that my guy and I were having were not only about him..but deeply deeply about me.
When he said that I made him feel like ‘he wasn’t good enough and that he failed,’ well you can bet I flipped that around in my head instantly to mean “I don’t think I’m good enough and I think I failed.”
Wait, let me back up here. I’m getting ahead of myself.
As soon as we shifted from honeymoon phase and started down this path to self-sabotage, there were two very important tools that I used to figure out what the hell was going on and how the heck to fix it.
Because ultimately, deep down in my heart, I know I deserve to have an amazing relationship with myself an with my beloved.
And if you’re reading this, so do you.
1. The Work by Byron Katie
The premise of the Work is 4 questions. Byron Katie offers up the worksheet freely on her website which you can access and print out at any time.
You take a belief that is bothering you. Perhaps it is about someone you haven’t forgiven.
In my case, I will use a very personal example to show you how it’s done:
“I believe that my partner doesn’t really love me and doesn’t want to be with me.”
Question 1: Is it true? Yes or no.
In this case, when I searched into my heart (and it didn’t take much searching) I found the answer to be ‘no.’
If I had answered ‘yes’ I would have moved onto question 2.
Question 2: Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
Question 3: How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
For me, I felt sad and insecure. I felt like I wasn’t good enough.
You can then dig deeper into the reply by answering an additional series of questions.
a) Does that thought bring peace or stress into your life?
b) What images do you see, past and future, and what physical sensations arise as you think that thought and witness those images?
c) What emotions arise when you believe that thought?
d) Do any obsessions or addictions begins o appear when you believe that thought? (Do you act out on any of the following: alcohol, drugs, credit cards, food, sex, television?)
e) How do you treat the person in this situation when you believe the thought? How do you treat other people and yourself?
Question 4. Who would you be without the thought?
I would simply be at peace. I would be happy in my relationship on a daily basis and excited about all the big changes ahead of us! I would enjoy each and every moment with this amazing being who loves me dearly.
And after you’ve done all of this, the turn-around. Take the belief and turn it around to yourself, to the other and to the opposite.
The Turn Around
1. To the Self – I don’t really love me.
2. To the other – I don’t really love him.
3. To the opposite – He doesn’t really love me.
And then you ask yourself if the turnaround is less true, true, or more true than the original statement. And let me tell you, you’ll know if your heart immediately if they are true or even truer than your originally statement.
For me, #1 was huge. My heart was saying, “OH YEAH!” Whereas for #2 and #3 it was a quick answer of “that’s not true.”
Even more, it’s beneficial to find at least 3 times in this situation where you can find those turn arounds to be true.
By doing this exercise I VERY QUICKLY realized my core issue was a feeling of not being good enough and not loving myself.
I realized that I had been forgetting about me.
And remembering that the only way we can truly attract love into our lives is by loving ourselves FIRST. Only then can we attract in the exact same love.
Little me, the scared little girl inside, was not feeling the love. So she was lashing out…
Which brings me to the second exercise on my healing journey to self-love and awareness.
2. Taming Your Outer Child by Susan Anderson
This is a book that is the culmination of over 30 years of clinical experience performed by Susan Anderson.
The premise is that we all have an inner child.
The inner child is our 4 year old self that has basic needs to feel loved and safe and secure. When those needs aren’t being met, our outer child acts out as a way to get those needs to be met. However, it’s never in a healthy way and as a result of outer child’s actions, it usually makes the problem worse.
For example:
- Inner child wants to feel safe and secure and protected but feels scared because you’re in debt. Outer child responds by going on a shopping spree with the credit cards. Because after all, having more stuff makes you feel good about yourself and secure in your social status, right?
- Inner child wants to feel loved and good about herself. But you’ve been hurt in the past by previous relationships. So outer responds by binge eating. You gain weight. Outer thinks she is helping because now you’re overweight and ‘safe’ and not attracting in a partner. You can’t get hurt if you’re not in a relationship, right?
- Outer is the one that eats the chocolate cake when you’re on a diet.
- Outer is the one that procrastinates when you’ve got an important deadline.
Essentially outer child acts out when the inner child is tired, cranky, triggered or stressed and her needs aren’t being met.
When I realized that issues between he and I were most certainly our outer children acting out, I did a writing exercise.
It might seems silly. And it will most likely seem a little schizophrenic, but it works. And I highly suggest you try it.
The Little/Big Exercise:
Close your eyes and imagine your inner child. Your inner child is you at four years old and just wants love. When those needs aren’t being met, Outer Child (lets pretend it’s a big brother around 10 years old) acts out to help protect Inner. But it always makes things worse.
See your Inner Child. See your Outer child. And then put your Adult Self in the room with the two of them. Your adult self is a loving, caring adult. (I usually envision a loving aunt or grandma for this).
Tell Inner child that it’s okay to turn around and stand up to Outer Child. Inner child tells Outer Child that there is no need to protect her any more because Adult Self is there.
Now this is where it gets fun.
Open your eyes. Grab and pen and paper and start by having a conversation between your Inner Child and your Adult (Big) self.
I will use the beginning of my dialog as an example so you can see how powerful this work is and you’ll be surprised by what actually comes up!
Big: What’s up, little? Why is Outer acting up so much? What am I missing?
Little: I’m scared. What if Ron doesn’t like me in the end? Once he really gets to know me? What if I’m unlovable?
Big: That’s not possible. You’re completely lovable. I love you!
Little: No you don’t. You’re so worried about external validation that you’re not really focused on loving me.
Big: That’s going to change. I’ll do things every day to show that I love you. I do love you. And I love Ron, too.
Little: But what about me? If you don’t love me, things will get worse. Outer will keep acting out and sabotage your relationship with Ron. And you’ll be alone. And unhappy. Because all you’ll be left with is me…who you don’t really love. And we’ll both be sad.
Big: I hear you. I’m listening. You need more love. I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you. What can I do?
You see?! It’s so amazing what comes up in our subconscious as we’re having a conversation with ourselves.
The conversation went on and I realized some deep and powerful nuggets, such as: “I’m so scared of being seen for who I really am. What if I’m not good enough?”
The conversation ended with Big comforting Little and promising to “be pro-active and take the steps I need to take and not allow fear to ruin my life. I’ll put on my big girl pants and start acting like a mature grown-up and show you love. I’ll act from my heart in love and not from fear.”
I know, sounds a bit crazy.
But you’ll have to trust me on this.
These 2 steps saved my relationship.
And I continue to use them when necessary. It’s a never-ending process. We don’t reach enlightenment. Just like we don’t reach a perfect relationship end-point where we can just sit back, put our feet up and enjoy the good life.
I wish I would have known about them earlier. But I know about them now. And now you have the tools, too.
Oh, and one more thing….
You HAVE to write down the conversation with Little.
If you just THINK the dialog, your mind is too quick. It gets ahead of you and tries to come up with the solution. You HAVE to write and have the conversation. Only then you will reach your ‘a-ha’ moments.
Your homework: Buy the books. Read them. Do the work.
And I promise, your life will improve. Not just in your love life and relationships, but in general.
And tell me what happens when you do so.
Already read the books? Tell me below how you’ve put those tools into your life practice! Not just in relationships but in every aspect!
3 Practices That Attracted my Devoted Partner
Are you looking to attract a lover that is devoted to you?
Are you looking for a deep, strong unwavering connection with your partner?
Are you looking to heal your wounds and put yourself on the path to attracting the type of love you know in your heart you deserve?
Then read on, girlfriend, because I’ve got three helpful practices you can implement today in order to attract JUST THAT TYPE of love and partner into your life!
As time goes on and my connection deepens with my man, I can’t help but reflect on how far I’ve come in the realm of love. My partner cares for me deeply and I feel secure in his love. He cherishes me and our relationship deepens on a daily basis as he showers me with love and appreciation.
Life wasn’t always this way…
My past relationships are sprinkled with heartbreak, tears, sadness, and disappointment. (sound familiar?)
And as painful as it was, I wouldn’t trade those experiences for the world because they taught me ONE very important thing.
This ONE thing has actually been the basis for the creation of my amazing relationship as it is today.
So what is that ONE thing?
It taught me what I DON’T want in a relationship.
It’s important to know what we want in life and in our love life. When we know what we want, we can take the steps towards creating it!
But sometimes it’s not so easy to figure that out…
How many times have you been asked “What do you want?”
to which the answer is usually:
- I don’t know.
- Everything.
- Whatever.
- Whatever you want.
You see, it isn’t always crystal clear to know what we want.
But ask a woman what she DOESN’T want, on the hand…
Ahh…..now we’re talking!
So, when you are continuously confronted with painful situations laden with what you DON’T WANT, it’s a great basis for creating the opposite: a life you do want!
All that pain and all that heartbreak gave me a crystal clear vision of what I do not want in my love life.
So I shifted things around and started practicing three things.
These three things I teach in my 6 Weeks to Love Intensive Coaching program and I’m happy to introduce them to you now!
1. Love Yourself
I know you’ve heard it before because I like to preach it!
You’ve got to LOVE THYSELF.
Self-love is the KEY to attracting an amazing relationship.
Our lives are simply mirrors of our beliefs of yesterday. Whatever we believe about ourselves or believe we can have is EXACTLY what we end up creating in our lives.
The reason self-love is so important is simple: we attract people who treat us how we treat ourselves.
How many of you have heard about the woman who always attracts in the abuser? And usually the woman is a stereotypical type of gal: meek, timid, doesn’t believe in herself, the victim.
Many of us carry hidden beliefs that we aren’t good enough or worthy enough to be deeply loved. So we attract someone in that gives us just what we believe we deserve. We create relationships that ‘prove’ this to be true. We call-in people and circumstances that make us feel unworthy. And it affirms our belief system and the cycle continues.
*Sigh*
So how do you break that cycle?
The way to end this cycle is exactly what I teach in my coaching intensive. It centers around learning how to value yourself way MORE than you ever have before!
You learn to listen to yourself. You learn what YOUR needs are. You get to know yourself and become super sensitive to your needs. It’s everything that you’ve always wished (and waited) that your ideal partner would do for you.
It’s how your ideal match would care for you.
But the big secret is – you can’t wait until you’ve found the one.
You’ve GOT to start loving yourself today in the EXACT way you want to be loved.
Only then will you attract in the person that will love you the way you deserve to be loved.
2. Make Space for Love
Let’s say you wanted to buy a new couch for your living room.
But your living room is full!
There’s the old couch still in there, for one. There are stacks of books piled next to it. Last night’s dinner is still on the coffee table….
There is no space in your living room for a new couch.
So how do you expect to fit one in there?
Well for one, you’ve got to clean up the mess.
For two, get that old couch out of there!
It’s the exact same for your love life.
Clean up the mess –
- Get your emotional state in order. If you’re still pining over a lost love. Let. It. Go. If you have any thoughts of “there’s no good men out there” you need to replace them with “my guy is on his way! There is totally an amazing match for me.”
- Physically clean up the mess. Does your house even offer a warming environment to have a lover over? Do you have the physical space in your life for a second person to be there? To share a bed with? To sit on the couch with? To sit in the car with you? Or are you so entrenched in the single life that your passenger seat is another space to collect your stuff and the bedside table on the other side of the bed stores your stacks of books and magazines? Do you still have photos of ex’s hanging on the wall? Look around and make your space available to host your partner.
3. Visualize Love
This one is the best part of the process!
It’s the best for two reasons.
- It works!
- It’s fun!
I love to write and I love to dream and use my imagination.
We all have the abilities to create whatever it is we want in our heads.
The sky is the limit! This is how progress is created in the world. How many scientists and revolutionaries came up with something simply amazing that changed the course of history because they dared to dream of something that didn’t exist before?
The lightbulb. Electricity. The gas powered car. An airplane. Gravity. The Earth revolving around the sun, for goodness sake.
And you know what these all had in common?
It was something that didn’t exist prior. It was only in that person’s head.
And then it was created!!
So when you visualize love, all you have to do is close your eyes and picture yourself in an average day with your partner.
- What do you do?
- How do you feel?
- What does it feel like to be loved by this person?
Before I was actually in this amazing relationship I am today, I would journal and dream and write down everything I wanted in a relationship.
And then I would close my eyes…
And I would SEE it and I would FEEL it.
I could imagine what it would FEEL like to be with this person even though I didn’t have the awesome relationship yet.
Before I had experienced what it truly felt like to be cherished by a man, I would hold that vision and feeling in my mind at least once a day, and usually more like three or even five times a day! It felt good to go to my ‘never land’ of a place I had never experienced before.
The more I concentrated on the vision and the feeling, the more certain I became in the idea that my love was being attracted to me. The more I felt those feelings of love and worth, the more excited I got about the relationship!
The more excited I become, the closer the relationship came to me until one day, he was standing right in front of me and ordering a beer. (yup, I met my guy while I was a waitress. Goes to show, you never know what life has in store for you!)
By implementing the practices above, I started the process of attracting my devoted partner towards me.
- I loved myself.
2. I created space for a partner in my life.
3. And I visualized what life would look like with that person.
I became the embodiment of love. And so love was attracted to me!
If you’re interested in going deeper and attracting in your partner in as little as 6 weeks, I highly suggest you apply to for my 1:1 intensive coaching program.
And also, please leave a comment below telling us how you’re going to become the embodiment of love. How are you going to implement these practices into your daily life? Have you already been doing them and are they working for you?
I look forward to hearing from you!