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How I almost RUINED my relationship with my guy and the two steps I took to break free from fear!

I help women manifest their soulmates. Their partner. Their love. Their other half. Call it what you will…

And I wish I could tell you that the work stopped there.

Step 1. Learn to love yourself. 

Step 2. Attract in your reciprocal. 

Step 3. Happily ever after. 

happily ever after

Um…no.

That’s not how it works.

Using the tools I teach to other women, I manifested the man of my dreams.

And shortly after we moved in together, things got hard.

Like really hard.

Like ‘what would you do if we broke up’ type of conversation really hard.

Couple Fighting

And let me tell you, my heart was hurting.

I had attracted in the love of my life and yet old patterns and thoughts and belief systems were getting in the way and sabotaging this relationship that I had worked so hard to get.

I learned really quick that the work never ends. And especially not in the most important relationship – the one with your intimate.

Our partner is an amazing (and sometimes hard to see) mirror.

I knew these fights that my guy and I were having were not only about him..but deeply deeply about me. 

emyrald sinclaire love coach

When he said that I made him feel like ‘he wasn’t good enough and that he failed,’ well you can bet I flipped that around in my head instantly to mean “I don’t think I’m good enough and I think I failed.”

Wait, let me back up here. I’m getting ahead of myself.

As soon as we shifted from honeymoon phase and started down this path to self-sabotage, there were two very important tools that I used to figure out what the hell was going on and how the heck to fix it.

how to break free from fear

Because ultimately, deep down in my heart, I know I deserve to have an amazing relationship with myself an with my beloved.

And if you’re reading this, so do you.

     1. The Work by Byron Katie

Byron-Katie

The premise of the Work is 4 questions. Byron Katie offers up the worksheet freely on her website which you can access and print out at any time.

You take a belief that is bothering you. Perhaps it is about someone you haven’t forgiven.

In my case, I will use a very personal example to show you how it’s done:

“I believe that my partner doesn’t really love me and doesn’t want to be with me.” 

Question 1: Is it true? Yes or no. 

In this case, when I searched into my heart (and it didn’t take much searching) I found the answer to be ‘no.’

If I had answered ‘yes’ I would have moved onto  question 2.

Question 2: Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Question 3: How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? 

For me, I felt sad and insecure. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. 

You can then dig deeper into the reply by answering an additional series of questions.

a) Does that thought bring peace or stress into your life? 

b) What images do you see, past and future, and what physical sensations arise as you think that thought and witness those images? 

c) What emotions arise when you believe that thought?

d) Do any obsessions or addictions begins o appear when you believe that thought? (Do you act out on any of the following: alcohol, drugs, credit cards, food, sex, television?)

e) How do you treat the person in this situation when you believe the thought? How do you treat other people and yourself?

Question 4. Who would you be without the thought? 

I would simply be at peace. I would be happy in my relationship on a daily basis and excited about all the big changes ahead of us! I would enjoy each and every moment with this amazing being who loves me dearly. 

Emyrald and her partner

And after you’ve done all of this, the turn-around. Take the belief and turn it around to yourself, to the other and to the opposite.

The Turn Around

1. To the Self I don’t really love me.

2. To the other I don’t really love him.

3. To the opposite He doesn’t really love me. 

And then you ask yourself if the turnaround is less true, true, or more true than the original statement. And let me tell you, you’ll know if your heart immediately if they are true or even truer than your originally statement.

For me, #1 was huge. My heart was saying, “OH YEAH!” Whereas for #2 and #3 it was a quick answer of “that’s not true.”

Even more, it’s beneficial to find at least 3 times in this situation where you can find those turn arounds to be true.

By doing this exercise I VERY QUICKLY realized my core issue was a feeling of not being good enough and not loving myself.

I realized that I had been forgetting about me.

And remembering that the only way we can truly attract love into our lives is by loving ourselves FIRST. Only then can we attract in the exact same love.

Little me, the scared little girl inside, was not feeling the love. So she was lashing out…

Which brings me to the second exercise on my healing journey to self-love and awareness.

     2. Taming Your Outer Child by Susan Anderson

Taming Your outer child by susan anderson

This is a book that is the culmination of over 30 years of clinical experience performed by Susan Anderson.

The premise is that we all have an inner child.

The inner child is our 4 year old self that has basic needs to feel loved and safe and secure. When those needs aren’t being met, our outer child acts out as a way to get those needs to be met. However, it’s never in a healthy way and as a result of outer child’s actions, it usually makes the problem worse.

For example:

  • Inner child wants to feel safe and secure and protected but feels scared because you’re in debt. Outer child responds by going on a shopping spree with the credit cards. Because after all, having more stuff makes you feel good about yourself and secure in your social status, right?
  • Inner child wants to feel loved and good about herself. But you’ve been hurt in the past by previous relationships. So outer responds by binge eating. You gain weight. Outer thinks she is helping because now you’re overweight and ‘safe’ and not attracting in a partner. You can’t get hurt if you’re not in a relationship, right?
  • Outer is the one that eats the chocolate cake when you’re on a diet.
  • Outer is the one that procrastinates when you’ve got an important deadline.

Essentially outer child acts out when the inner child is tired, cranky, triggered or stressed and her needs aren’t being met.

When I realized that issues between he and I were most certainly our outer children acting out, I did a writing exercise. 

It might seems silly. And it will most likely seem a little schizophrenic, but it works.  And I highly suggest you try it.

The Little/Big Exercise:

Close your eyes and imagine your inner child. Your inner child is you at four years old and just wants love. When those needs aren’t being met, Outer Child (lets pretend it’s a big brother around 10 years old) acts out to help protect Inner. But it always makes things worse.

See your Inner Child. See your Outer child. And then put your Adult Self in the room with the two of them. Your adult self is a loving, caring adult. (I usually envision a loving aunt or grandma for this).

Tell Inner child that it’s okay to turn around and stand up to Outer Child. Inner child tells Outer Child that there is no need to protect her any more because Adult Self is there.

Now this is where it gets fun. 

Open your eyes. Grab and pen and paper and start by having a conversation between your Inner Child and your Adult (Big) self.

Emyrald Sinclaire love coach

I will use the beginning of my dialog as an example so you can see how powerful this work is and you’ll be surprised by what actually comes up!

Big: What’s up, little? Why is Outer acting up so much? What am I missing?

Little: I’m scared. What if Ron doesn’t like me in the end? Once he really gets to know me? What if I’m unlovable?

Big: That’s not possible. You’re completely lovable. I love you!

Little: No you don’t. You’re so worried about external validation that you’re not really focused on loving me.

Big: That’s going to change. I’ll do things every day to show that I love you. I do love you. And I love Ron, too.

Little: But what about me? If you don’t love me, things will get worse. Outer will keep acting out and sabotage your relationship with Ron. And you’ll be alone. And unhappy. Because all you’ll be left with is me…who you don’t really love. And we’ll both be sad.

Big: I hear you. I’m listening. You need more love. I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you. What can I do?

You see?! It’s so amazing what comes up in our subconscious as we’re having a conversation with ourselves.

The conversation went on and I realized some deep and powerful nuggets, such as: I’m so scared of being seen for who I really am. What if I’m not good enough?”

The conversation ended with Big comforting Little and promising to be pro-active and take the steps I need to take and not allow fear to ruin my life. I’ll put on my big girl pants and start acting like a mature grown-up and show you love. I’ll act from my heart in love and not from fear.” 

Emyrald Sinclaire love coach for single women

I know, sounds a bit crazy.

But you’ll have to trust me on this.

These 2 steps saved my relationship.

And I continue to use them when necessary. It’s a never-ending process. We don’t reach enlightenment. Just like we don’t reach a perfect relationship end-point where we can just sit back, put our feet up and enjoy the good life.

I wish I would have known about them earlier. But I know about them now. And now you have the tools, too.

Oh, and one more thing….

You HAVE to write down the conversation with Little.

If you just THINK the dialog, your mind is too quick. It gets ahead of you and tries to come up with the solution. You HAVE to write and have the conversation. Only then you will reach your ‘a-ha’ moments.

Your homework: Buy the books. Read them. Do the work.

And I promise, your life will improve. Not just in your love life and relationships, but in general.

And tell me what happens when you do so.

Already read the books? Tell me below how you’ve put those tools into your life practice! Not just in relationships but in every aspect!

3 Practices That Attracted my Devoted Partner

Are you looking to attract a lover that is devoted to you?

Are you looking for a deep, strong unwavering connection with your partner?

Are you looking to heal your wounds and put yourself on the path to attracting the type of love you know in your heart you deserve?

Then read on, girlfriend, because I’ve got three helpful practices you can implement today in order to attract JUST THAT TYPE of love and partner into your life!

3-practices-that-attracted-my-devoted-partner

As time goes on and my connection deepens with my man, I can’t help but reflect on how far I’ve come in the realm of love. My partner cares for me deeply and I feel secure in his love. He cherishes me and our relationship deepens on a daily basis as he showers me with love and appreciation.

Life wasn’t always this way…

My past relationships are sprinkled with heartbreak, tears, sadness, and disappointment. (sound familiar?)

And as painful as it was, I wouldn’t trade those experiences for the world because they taught me ONE very important thing.

This ONE thing has actually been the basis for the creation of my amazing relationship as it is today.

So what is that ONE thing? 

It taught me what I DON’T want in a relationship.

It’s important to know what we want in life and in our love life. When we know what we want, we can take the steps towards creating it!

But sometimes it’s not so easy to figure that out…

How many times have you been asked “What do you want?” 

to which the answer is usually:

  • I don’t know.
  • Everything. 
  • Whatever.
  • Whatever you want. 

You see, it isn’t always crystal clear to know what we want.

But ask a woman what she DOESN’T want, on the hand… 

Ahh…..now we’re talking!

So, when you are continuously confronted with painful situations laden with what you DON’T WANT, it’s a great basis for creating the opposite: a life you do want! 

All that pain and all that heartbreak gave me a crystal clear vision of what I do not want in my love life. 

So I shifted things around and started practicing three things.

These three things I teach in my 6 Weeks to Love Intensive Coaching program and I’m happy to introduce them to you now!

1. Love Yourself

I know you’ve heard it before because I like to preach it!

You’ve got to LOVE THYSELF. 

Self-love is the KEY to attracting an amazing relationship.

Our lives are simply mirrors of our beliefs of yesterday. Whatever we believe about ourselves or believe we can have is EXACTLY what we end up creating in our lives.

The reason self-love is so important is simple: we attract people who treat us how we treat ourselves. 

How many of you have heard about the woman who always attracts in the abuser? And usually the woman is a stereotypical type of gal: meek, timid, doesn’t believe in herself, the victim. 

Many of us carry hidden beliefs that we aren’t good enough or worthy enough to be deeply loved. So we attract someone in that gives us just what we believe we deserve. We create relationships that ‘prove’ this to be true. We call-in people and circumstances that make us feel unworthy. And it affirms our belief system and the cycle continues. 

*Sigh*

So how do you break that cycle? 

The way to end this cycle is exactly what I teach in my coaching intensive. It centers around learning how to value yourself way MORE than you ever have before!

You learn to listen to yourself. You learn what YOUR needs are. You get to know yourself and become super sensitive to your needs. It’s everything that you’ve always wished (and waited) that your ideal partner would do for you.

It’s how your ideal match would care for you.

But the big secret is – you can’t wait until you’ve found the one.

You’ve GOT to start loving yourself today in the EXACT way you want to be loved.

Only then will you attract in the person that will love you the way you deserve to be loved.

2. Make Space for Love

Let’s say you wanted to buy a new couch for your living room.

But your living room is full!

There’s the old couch still in there, for one. There are stacks of books piled next to it. Last night’s dinner is still on the coffee table….

There is no space in your living room for a new couch. 

So how do you expect to fit one in there?

Well for one, you’ve got to clean up the mess.

For two, get that old couch out of there!

It’s the exact same for your love life.

Clean up the mess

  1. Get your emotional state in order. If you’re still pining over a lost love. Let. It. Go. If you have any thoughts of “there’s no good men out there” you need to replace them with “my guy is on his way! There is totally an amazing match for me.” 
  2. Physically clean up the mess.  Does your house even offer a warming environment to have a lover over? Do you have the physical space in your life for a second person to be there? To share a bed with? To sit on the couch with? To sit in the car with you? Or are you so entrenched in the single life that your passenger seat is another space to collect your stuff and the bedside table on the other side of the bed stores your stacks of books and magazines? Do you still have photos of ex’s hanging on the wall? Look around and make your space available to host your partner.

3. Visualize Love

This one is the best part of the process! 

It’s the best for two reasons.

  1. It works!
  2. It’s fun!

I love to write and I love to dream and use my imagination.

We all have the abilities to create whatever it is we want in our heads.

The sky is the limit! This is how progress is created in the world. How many scientists and revolutionaries came up with something simply amazing that changed the course of history because they dared to dream of something that didn’t exist before? 

The lightbulb. Electricity. The gas powered car. An airplane. Gravity. The Earth revolving around the sun, for goodness sake.

And you know what these all had in common?

It was something that didn’t exist prior. It was only in that person’s head.

And then it was created!!

So when you visualize love, all you have to do is close your eyes and picture yourself in an average day with your partner.

  • What do you do?
  • How do you feel? 
  • What does it feel like to be loved by this person? 

Before I was actually in this amazing relationship I am today, I would journal and dream and write down everything I wanted in a relationship.

And then I would close my eyes…

And I would SEE it and I would FEEL it.

I could imagine what it would FEEL like to be with this person even though I didn’t have the awesome relationship yet.

Before I had experienced what it truly felt like to be cherished by a man, I would hold that vision and feeling in my mind at least once a day, and usually more like three or even five times a day! It felt good to go to my ‘never land’ of a place I had never experienced before.

The more I concentrated on the vision and the feeling, the more certain I became in the idea that my love was being attracted to me. The more I felt those feelings of love and worth, the more excited I got about the relationship! 

The more excited I become, the closer the relationship came to me until one day, he was standing right in front of me and ordering a beer. (yup, I met my guy while I was a waitress. Goes to show, you never know what life has in store for you!)

By implementing the practices above, I started the process of attracting my devoted partner towards me. 

  1. I loved myself.

2.  I created space for a partner in my life.

3.  And I visualized what life would look like with that person.

I became the embodiment of love. And so love was attracted to me!

If you’re interested in going deeper and attracting in your partner in as little as 6 weeks, I highly suggest you apply to for my 1:1 intensive coaching program. 

And also, please leave a comment below telling us how you’re going to become the embodiment of love. How are you going to implement these practices into your daily life? Have you already been doing them and are they working for you? 

I look forward to hearing from you!




7 Simple Ways to appear more attractive without going on a diet, getting a haircut or buying new clothes

When I was younger, I was a bit of an ugly duckling.

At least, that’s what I thought. I didn’t have a huge amount of confidence; I didn’t go on many dates; The popular (aka cute) guys weren’t attracted to me.

Times were rough.

Luckily, I’ve gotten through that phase and have learned a couple of things.  And now…men instantly notice me when I walk into a room.

And it’s good attention. It’s not because I’m wearing a low-cut shirt or a super short skirt.

How would you like to learn how to instantly appear more attractive to the opposite sex without going on a diet, getting a haircut, or buying new clothes? How would you like to have men notice YOU instantly when you walk into a room? Do you desire to get asked out on more dates without changing a thing about your personality?

What I’m about to share with you are seven simple, easy and effective ways to appear much more attractive to the opposite sex without spending a dime on your looks and without changing your personality.

7-ways-to-appear-more-attractive

So how do you make some simple changes that will have the men turning heads when you walk into the room and notice you as you’re walking down the street? 

Read on my friend, and stick with me until number 7 – because it’s my favorite one, it’s the MOST effective (for me) and you’ll never guess what it is!

One – Smile More

Emyrald Sinclaire, love coachThis one is the MOST SIMPLE one to implement! And it works! A study in Switzerland examined the relationship between attractiveness and smiling.

The stronger the smile, the more attractive a face looked.

And not only that, a happy facial expression compensated for relative unattractiveness. So, put a beautiful smile on your face, honey, when you walk into the restaurant, or step into a bar, or walk into a new environment where you don’t know anyone and you’ll instantly appear more attractive and approachable.

 

 

Two – Confidence

This is a bit trickier to convey if you’re not a naturally confident person. It’s so much easier to be a wall flower. BUT that’s not for you! Here are a couple of tips to convey elevated levels of confidence that will INSTANTLY make you appear sexier. Celebrate the success of others. Don’t beat yourself up for making mistakes. Celebrate your OWN successes (no, it’s not bragging)! And get this –

Studies have shown that people tend to see you as 20% more attractive than how you see yourself!

Isn’t that amazing? Too many women judge themselves too harshly (I can raise my hand and say I’ve been in this boat before. Too many times.) Have confidence in your beauty and trust that most people actually see you as MORE beautiful than you see yourself! Own it, girlfriend.

Three – Do things you enjoy!

Emyrald and Ron at Ice LakesJoin a hiking group, volunteer for a cause you believe in, train for a marathon, play guitar at an open mic night, you get the idea! You’ll instantly appear more attractive when you’re following your heart and filling your day with activities that you enjoy.

Bonus – the people you meet will be into the same interests as you – score!

Meeting a guy with similar interests will make it much more likely you two will hit it off and create a lasting friendship, if not something more!

 

 

Four – Find your personal style.

If you wear stuff you feel good in, you’’ll instantly look and feel more attractive. Go through the closet and get rid of items that no longer serve you and put much more focus into wearing the items that you LOVE. When you’re celebrating the real YOU, the guys you attract to you will appreciate the real you, too.

Five – Play up your favorite features!

Emyrald sinclaire, love coach for single women who want to manifest their soulmateHave beautiful blue eyes? Long sexy legs? Shiny brown hair? Whatever it is that you LOVE about you, find a way to make your best features stand out by choosing certain clothes and accessories that accentuate them. For example, if you have really pretty dark eyes, wearing gold hoop earrings might draw more attention to them. Or how you wear your bangs might attract more attention to those beautiful eyes.

It’s been a while since I’ve had bangs, but when I did, I got so many compliments on my eyes! The attention/focus was directed straight to my big blue eyes!

 

Six – Hang out with women

Goddess group with emyrald sinclaireAnother interesting study!

When you hang out with a group of ladies, men will generally see individual group members as being more attractive than they actually are.

Can we say – ladies night!

 

Seven – My favorite way to appear more attractive might surprise you… red lipstick!

Emyrald sinclaire, love coach for single women who want to manifest their soulmateI find that men are super attracted to me when I’m wearing red lipstick. I FEEL like a sexy vixen when I’m in it, and I KNOW that confidence is just oozing out of my pores and men see that and are attracted to it. I’m not saying you have to go out and buy the lipstick yourself, but it works for me. And it’s a really simple thing to do whenever I need a boost and want to feel more attractive.

I’ve also read studies that show that men are more attracted to women who WEAR red.

There are plenty shades of red, if you’re looking to get a couple more looks in your direction, find a shade that works for you!

 

So here’s what I want you to do right now!

Start putting all 7 of these steps into practice and get ready for more heads to be turning your way and for your confidence levels to soar and to instantly feel more attractive to the opposite sex!

And put your name and email into the box below to get my free resource guide: “Manifest your soulmate in 5 easy steps.”

These five steps are THE bread and butter if you’re looking to call in your soulmate.

Warning – these 5 steps work quickly so don’t be surprised when Mr. Right comes calling…. 🙂