I’ve been studying relationships for over 20 years.
And I can tell ya I’ve learned a thing or two about what makes a relationship work… and what causes a relationship to deteriorate over time.
And I KNOW you want a relationship that stands the test of TIME.
I KNOW you want a partnership that is loving, deep and connected.
And I KNOW you desire to feel chosen, safe and supported within your relationship.
And I also know many relationships START with a lot of love and good intentions…
(Why else would you get married?)
But eventually FIZZLE out…
(50% of marriages end in divorce)
>>> So what are the components that MAKE a relationship work? And what are the components that BREAK a relationship?
In no particular order, these are some of the aspects that will eventually, most likely lead to the BREAK of a relationship:
- the need to always be right
- holding onto resentment or blame
- not expressing your feelings
- not understanding your feelings
- suppressing your feelings
- making your partner responsible for your feelings
- not speaking what is on your mind
- fixed mindset
- not listening to yourself (or your partner)
- not making the relationship THE priority in your life
- not treating your partner like an equal teammate
- unhealed trauma, pain + trust issues
^ That last one right there is the LEADING cause of relationship break-ups.
Too many people are looking for someone else to fix/save/heal/complete them. And so they give their power away and make their partner responsible for their happiness. But a partner was never meant to complete you.
> You are meant to become WHOLE (again) on your own… And attract in a partner who is a match for the complete, loving human being that you are.
And the only way you can become complete again is by really taking an honest look at yourself.
> What parts of you are NOT aligned with unconditional love?
And if you think you’re perfect, that’s the perfect time to enter a relationship. Because you will quickly see all the ways you are LESS than perfect. (I’ve been working on myself for over 20 years and still my relationships mirror back to me my shadow, my fears, my insecurities, my pain and my trauma… all so that I can see it reflected back to me externally what still needs to be healed.)
A relationship is the BIGGEST vehicle for personal growth + transformation (if you allow it to be). or…. A relationship can be the BIGGEST pain in your ass and cause you to swear off dating and stay single for the rest of your life. It all depends in how you look at partnership and WHY you enter into a relationship.
WHAT’S YOUR WHY?
What’s your why for entering into partnership?
I’ll share with you mine:
“I desire to enter into a partnership only if it supports me in being the best version of myself. I desire a partner who reflects back to me my sh*t in a loving way so that I can see it and do the necessary work to heal it, thereby becoming a better version of myself as a result. I desire to enter into a partnership that is alignment with my soul’s purpose and life’s mission: to guide as many souls back into their hearts of unconditional love and to then have that reflected back to them in an unconditionally, loving partnership. I desire to enter into a partnership because it adds so much more to the incredible life that I’m already living.”
Personally, I will not enter a relationship that does not support me in being the best version of myself. And you when you continuously look for the lessons to learn and the opportunities for growth within any partnership, then you will continuously become a better version of yourself and continuously up-level the type of relationships you are in.
So with this being said, what are the aspects that MAKE a relationship work?
What tools do you need to carry in your toolkit or skills must you master in order to continuously be the best version of yourself inside + outside of a relationship?
- HEALTHY COMMUNICATION SKILLS (this one is the MOST important so I put it top of the list and I bolded it!!! If you do not have healthy communication skills, you will NOT make it. But if you can learn how to master just one thing in your life to practically ensure healthy, happy relationships… it would be COMMUNICATION!)
- Emotional Intelligence + Mastery(this means you take the time to explore your feelings + emotions as they arise. You are not controlled by your emotions and reacting blindly on autopilot or expecting someone else to make you feel a certain way. Instead, you realize that your emotions are messengers. You slow down to get the message. And then you can approach the situation from an emotionally neutral – not charged – place. This is you controlling your emotions + not the other way around.)
- Growth Mindset (a growth mindset is not run by the ego. It doesn’t claim to always be right. Instead, you’re always looking to grow, learn and expand what you believe to be true. You’re open to growing with your partner. You understand there will be changes throughout the tenure of your partnership and you are ready to move through them together!)
- Compassion + Understanding (you’re acting from your heart as often as possible. You understand that no one is perfect and that we all make mistakes – including YOU! You’re compassionate with both yourself + your partner.)
- Ability to Apologize (we all make mistakes and you will unknowingly hurt your partner from time to time. Rather than allowing your ego to flair up and make the other person out to be wrong, you take responsibility for how your actions affected your partner and express that to them in a loving way… even if you see things differently than how your partner does.)
- Active Listening (you listen to your partner in order to understand them and what they are saying – rather than just waiting for your turn to speak.)
- Understanding of the opposite sex (men and women are biologically and hormonally different. When you truly understand yourself and what you need and have the ability to communicate it in a way your partner can hear AND your partner is able and willing to meet your needs (and vice versa with your partner to you), I promise you this: THAT is a happy partnership!)
- Connection to Self (you know who you are at your core. You know your triggers and wounds. You hear yourself and listen to yourself and follow your own intuition and guidance system. You trust yourself. And as a result of that trust and connection, you are able to completely trust your partner and their connection to themselves.)
And yes, there are other things that are important like sexual chemistry and compatibility and friendship. But those are the most obvious factors that you already know to look for. And this list is certainly not all inclusive. (I just didn’t think you wanted to read a short novel 😉
Instead, this list above gives you an idea of some of the other skillsets you can work on developing within yourself now, whether single or partnered up… To create more (and lasting) happiness within your life + relationships.
And that really is the only work you ever need to do.
Look at that list above of the qualities of a healthy, lifelong partnership and begin to nurture and develop those qualities within yourself.
PREPARE yourself today but learning the skills that are NECESSARY in order to be happy within a relationship with another healthy, mentally stable human being.
And if you want my support in that… Just reach out. 😉