Have you noticed lately that you’re dating duds?
That men only want ‘one thing’?
And that no matter where you look, there are just ‘no good men out there!’?
If you answered ‘YES!” to all three questions, you are NOT alone, sister.
While it might seem like there’s an epidemic and shortage of high quality men ‘out there’, I’m going to be the one to look you in the eye and say ‘you gotta look in the mirror first, sweetie.’
If you are NOT with a high quality man who simply adores and cherishes you and treats you like a Princess…
It’s absolutely because YOU are NOT being a high quality woman.
Like energy attracts like energy.
We do NOT attract to us what we WANT.
We attract to us what we ARE.
So if you want a high quality man who is better than any man you’ve ever dated in the past, what have you got to do!?
BE the high quality woman unlike anything you’ve ever been in the past!
How do you step up into the best version of yourself possible so that you are truly ready for your Prince Charming?
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Listen
Have you ever been guilty of interrupting?
Or waiting for someone to finish their sentence so that you can jump in and offer your amazing and superior opinion!?
Of course you have!
There are two issues that survey said are the hugest frustrations that men have with women. (Number 1 reason I go over later on in #19…)
The second biggest issue men have with women is their inability to listen to them. They ask a question. Get impatient while waiting for the answer, and interrupt their man. Or answer the question for them. Or start to listen to the answer and assume they can answer it better and interject.
Ringing any bells here?
Men do take longer to answer questions than a woman, on average.
In fact, one of the biggest frustrations women have with men is the amount of time it takes them to actually answer a question!
Give your man space to process. To think. And then when he actually replies, bite your tongue. Give him time to get it all out.
Or else, he’s simply going to clam up in the future and not answer your questions at all.
2. Don’t make assumptions
There’s a saying that goes:
To assume is to make an ASS out of U and Me.
Don’t assume 1 single thing in your relationship. Ever. Or in life for that matter.
Making assumptions is the fastest way to try to prove that “I’m right and you’re wrong.”
Instead, open yourself up. Ask questions. Why does this person act a certain way? Why did he not call you when he said he would?
Being able to be open without making assumptions is incredibly sexy.
Also, you’ll get out of the horrible pattern of self-sabotage via mind fucks, as I like to call it.
You know, the good ole: He didn’t call me. That means he’s with another woman. He totally didn’t think I was funny enough, sexy enough, good enough. I suck. I’ll always be alone. I’ll never attract in a good man.
You see where simply assumptions can take you?
3. See things from HIS point of view
Instead of trying to be right….instead of trying to persuade another human being to believe your point of view…
Why not just try to see things from someone else’s point of view?
How many times have you put your foot in your mouth?
Remember that everything we think…. are simply based on personal belief systems.
What are ‘absolute truths’ anyway?
I’m sure we could collectively think of a few that we all agree on:
Gravity.
Ok – that’s all I got.
But ultimately, the way someone was raised affects how they believe and think and thereby the way to perceive their reality.
Who are you to say that it’s wrong?
So much can come from an open mind of being willing to understand and see another’s point of view.
When you make it a point to understand the other person instead of judge or change the other person, the energetics of the relationship shift in a huge way!
4.Accept what is
I have Byron Katie to thank for this!
The quickest way to live a life of pain and struggle and misery is to live in a reality that you wish was different from the present one.
You live in a world of ‘should’ and ‘should nots’ instead of the world of ‘what is.’
When we can shift our awareness to a simply acceptance that: this is my life. And I love it. And I accept it.
This is when we step it up on the scale of quality as a human being.
When we accept what is, we no longer gripe. We no longer complain. We no longer struggle and push to make things fit into a mold of what we believe in our minds is socially acceptable.
Instead, when we are open to accepting what is, we are essentially open to the miracles that can unfold simply because we are in alignment with life.
Now if that isn’t high quality, I’m not sure what is.
5. Be present
This is the quickest way to being a high quality human being.
Living in the moment.
Without being stuck in the past or anxious about the future.
When you’re simply present with what is in front of you – your man, your job, your boss, etc – you are fully available to the wonders of life!
Too often we are caught up in our minds. Which equates to living in the past and living in the future about 99% of the time.
A high quality human being lives in the present moment as much as is possible.
Because life happens in the present moment.
“Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it is called the present.” – Alice Morse Earle
6. Put his needs first
This one could be confusing because number 9 I tell you to ‘remember your needs’. But what I mean is this: any long term healthy relationship is more about giving than receiving.
And the more you give, the more you get.
Can you imagine if the main focus of your relationship was ‘how can I help my partner to feel love and to feel good?’
If BOTH partners are focusing on how to be the best partner for the other person….
Then you have two very happy and loving people simply in LOVE in their relationship…
Deepening their ability to love and be loved.
7. Touch him, be sensual
I’m sure this one is a bit obvious.
But don’t be shy to touch. Human beings crave touch.
Don’t forget to touch a man in a sensual way.
Just because he’s a man doesn’t mean he doesn’t crave intimacy and sensuality.
Heck – don’t forget to touch YOURSELF in a sensual way.
8. Open up emotionally
Being closed up because you’ve been hurt in the past….
Not sexy.
Not high quality.
It shows that you haven’t healed your past. And if your past is not healed, how can you be fully present in the your next relationship?
You cannot.
Even opening up to share past pains and hurts is a sign of emotional stability. Don’t be afraid of your emotions. Instead, embrace them. You are a woman who runs around with a body filled with intense emotions at any given moment!
Don’t you dare close up that side of you. That’s your most feminine side. And the sexiest side, too.
9. Care about yourself; remember YOUR needs
You can only offer that which you have yourself first.
You cannot give from an empty cup.
Fill your cup up first, and you’ll have so much more too give!
Do not be selfless.
I repeat: selfless is not sexy.
Care for yourself. This shows that you are number 1 priority. And a high quality man will see how much you love and respect and adore yourself and want to offer that exact type of treatment to you!
10. Play and have fun
Have fun!! Life is meant to be enjoyed. It’s absolutely unattractive to be serious and uptight all of the time. Couples that laugh together, stay together!
So in what ways can you add more joy to your life today? What activities can you do that you simply ADORE doing?
Men love women and they love our pleasure!
So be open about what pleases you. Laugh often and fill your life with what fills you up!
11. Blow Jobs
Tee hee. See this article. Enough said.
12. Trust and respect him
There are so many ways that women ruin relationships (men, too!) and that relationships end.
But the most common reason I’ve seen as to why the woman leaves: she stops trusting her man.
And then it spirals downward from there.
As she loses trust for him, she stops respecting him. This leads to a clash of opinions and a battle for control.
And 9 times out of 10, it ends in a horrible breakup.
A way to prevent this?
Trust and respect YOURSELF first.
Truly. Madly. Deeply.
Be the best version of you that you can be. Trust your opinions and don’t second guess them. Know that you’ve doing the best you can with the tools that you have at the moment.
And then give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
13. Understand the dynamics of the masculine and feminine
Opposites attract. One masculine energy and one feminine energy. Understanding these differences and learning how to soften into your feminine essence so that you can attract in a masculine man is extremely important to a healthy and high quality relationship.
Furthermore, the more you ‘know and understand’ yourself and the energies of YOU, the more the man you attract in will understand himself.
This makes for a very mature, high quality relationship.
14. Learn to be your most feminine self (if you are indeed the feminine energy)
Looking for help? My Irresistibility 101 masterclass is the route for you!!
This means not having to be in control! This means being able to go with the flow. This means allowing the guy to take the lead and make decisions.
This also means respecting his lead. This also means respecting his choices.
So many women try to control their relationships and control their men like they try to control their lives.
But guess what?!
You have control only over (maybe) 5% of your life.
The rest of it…..?
Feminine flow, baby.
Jump in the river and trust.
Allow the current to bring you downstream to the most amazing adventures….
Instead of staying your masculine energy and trying to control EVERYTHING.
15. Wait to have sex
It’s extremely challenging to go from ‘friends with benefits’ to ‘dating.’ Waiting to have sex shows that you respect your body and who you allow into that private and sacred space. If a man ‘gets sex’ from you right away, it shows him that you are easy. That you don’t respect your body. That you are certainly not a temple and deserve to be treated as a prize that has to be worked for and earned.
And guaranteed, he’s going to be thinking: ‘well if she gave it up that easy to me, how many other men has she slept with?’
Men are competitive. They want to know that you’re their one and only.
If you ‘give it away’ without establishing a connection and an agreement of monogamy and continuity, you’ve pretty much assured that the relationship will not progress into an intimate relatinoship.
Want to learn more on this? Check out my recent #truthtuesdays episode!
16. Be loyal
I’m sure this one is pretty obvious. But let me explain a bit further than simply ‘not cheating’ on your man.
Being loyal to your man also means that you trust him.
You respect his beliefs and his opinions. You don’t counter what he said about a subject with something along the lines of: “Well, John/my dad/my brother/my boss/ the homeless man on the corner said that…”
That is a huge act of disloyalty. Essentially you are showing him that some other ‘man’ trumps him. And that is not loyalty.
You want to prove from the very beginning that you are a woman who stands behind her man. You respect his opinions.
Loyalty also means supporting your man and sticking up for him. Being his vice president. Someone he knows that always has his back regardless of what the world throws at him.
Men have feelings, too. And it can be hard for them to open up. By being loyal to a man from the very beginning, he feels safe to open up to you!
17. Be vulnerable
Many women have the notion that being vulnerable equates with being weak.
This couldn’t be further from the truth.
A woman in touch with her feelings and emotions is absolutely vulnerable with strength.
In fact, some of my greatest moments of closeness with my man have been when I’ve been most open and most vulnerable with my feelings and my pain.
Being a strong powerful woman equates with knowing and understanding her emotions.
Notice I didn’t say she controls her emotions. On the contrary, she understands her emotions. She let’s them powerfully move through her and understands that they are there to offer wisdom and guidance. She does not allow her emotions to control her.
Your emotions are there for a reason. They are your guide. Trust them.
Be vulnerable with your man and it shows strength and quality as a woman.
18. Be honest
Don’t you want a man to be honest with you no matter what!? Don’t you really want to know what’s on his mind and what he really thinks of you?
Of course you do!
That’s why you have to be courageous and be honest with everyone in your life no matter what.
I’m NOT saying to speak without a filter.
Kindness goes a long way.
But what I’m saying is to always be honest with your feelings and your opinions and to certainly act with integrity based on your belief systems.
Otherwise you know what happens?
Deceit. Jealousy. Mistrust.
It only takes ONCE to be caught in a lie and to lose someone’s trust forever.
19. Don’t be petty or gossip
This is the lowest quality action you can take. And it’s also the number 1 thing men can’t stand about women! (I know. I surveyed over 100 men ages 20 to 80 and it ranked on top of the biggest frustration men have with women)
It’s not attractive. It lowers your own personal vibration. And it certainly changes the opinions of what others think of you.
Want more proof? Check out ‘Winning Friends and Influencing People’ by Dale Carnegie. Still a best seller almost 100 years later!
20. Do your own personal growth work, first
We all carry baggage with us from past relationships: relationships with our parents, lovers, colleagues, etc.
If you’re naive enough to think that they aren’t carried forward into present relationships, well then I have news for you!
yes, tweet that wisdom!
Unravel yourself first before you jump into a relationship. Relationships are vehicles for spiritual growth. A partner does not fix/complete/save/etc you.
The more of a complete individual you can be on your own…..the more complete of an individual you will attract in.
But on the other end of the specturm, if you are needy or possessive and 50% of a whole looking for her other half, well guess what?
You’ll attract in a relationship based on possessiveness and neediness of an incomplete and unhealthy human being.
21. BE the energy you want to attract
This one is my favorite! At any given moment in our lives, we are vibrating at a certain frequencycy. And that is the energy we are broadcasting out into the universe. So the next time you find yourself in a certain situation and thinking to yourself: “Ugh, why the hell do I always end up with unavailable men?” its time to look in the mirror, sister.
In what ways are you unavailable?
If men are consistently blowing you off, or showing up late to dates or not responding to your texts, ask yourself in what ways in your life are you blowing off others? Are you also not respecting the time of others?
We get what we ARE, not what we WANT.
Tattoo that to your forehead so you see it every time you look in the mirror.
This is the law of the Universe. You get what you give.
Every single time.
“I have chosen you as my lover for many reasons. But I am most compelled by the attraction I feel for your feminine heart… Your special gift to me is the unique quality of the feminine love you offer. Your feminine essence fills my life with a love that is so intimate and tender, my heart opens at your sight. I understand there is a lot more to you, but you are my chosen lover – rather than just my friend – because the ambrosial light of your feminine essence fills my heart and brightens my world with beauty, inspiration and the unending grace of love’s abundance.”
For those of you who are not familiar with David Deida, I highly suggest you buy Dear Lover immediately! (And then buy The Way of the Superior Man for extra brownie points and understanding.) David Deida is my own personal spiritual guru in regards to love, sex, intimacy and the divine masculine and feminine.
